Rhapsody in Blue
by Aozame Yokujin
Summary: A songfic series, taking place around ep 18. FayexSpike. AU ALERT. Song 16 is up, JULIA'S POV; "Building a Mystery" by Sarah McLaughlin
1. Under My Skin

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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, or the song "Under My Skin", which is by Aerosmith.   
***

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You breathe, I breathe you in  
I like a lot, where you been  
I make, you break the rule  
You got e-rot-tickle cool  
*

I yawned and stretched.

My life would be easier if the couch was more comfortable… Hey, you sleep where you can, right? Especially when you're sharing a ship with three other people and a dog. Sheesh… Jett must be starting a collection of strays. I'll be the first to admit I'm one of them, but it was so much easier when Faye and Ed weren't around… When it was just Jett, Ein and me it was better. Even if the damn dog annoys the hell out of me. Nothing can be worse than Faye. She just lives to drive me insane, like it's her purpose in life or something.

__

*  
Give a little bit  
Get a little bit  
Take it for a ride yeah  
When you push love so far away  
It eats you up inside  
*

I sat up and stared blankly at the table. Ed was snoring on the floor a little ways away, next to Ein. Jett was off somewhere on the ship, I have no idea where, but it wasn't anywhere that I could see him. Faye was sleeping in the chair opposite of the couch. I sighed.

Granted, Faye is rather beautiful… until she opens her mouth. Then all you can do is pray for a sudden case of laryngitis, or an act of God. Either one works for me, as long as she shuts up. That song she likes to hum though… It's the same one that Julia liked… It's kind of… eerie… hearing her hum it every once in a while. It eats away at me. So I have to say something to piss her off, so she'll stop.

__

*  
There's a girl living under my skin  
And there's this girl and she's wearing me thin  
And I think she's the reason  
That it's open broken hearted season  
There's a girl  
There's a girl  
*

I stood up after a second and wandered toward the bridge. There's an amazing view there. I like to just lean against the glass and stare into space. It's so vast, so… infinite. If you stare long enough, you might catch a glimpse of a comet, or a dying star… You'll be staring at this one point of light and all of a sudden it'll fade away and there's be a black spot where the light had been. It's really hard to catch those because the sun still blocks out a lot of the dimmer stars, even out here, but it's possible.

I usually think about Julia when I'm staring out into space, but for some reason, lately, I haven't been able to get Faye out of my head. I always think about the fights we have and what I could have said that was wittier than what I did say. Or I think about how much I'd like to space her ass.

__

*  
I know, you know you are  
You are the ooh in la la  
Blow a little kiss  
Know a little bliss  
Get a little high yeah  
And I can't get you out of me  
Cuz you're too deep inside  
*

She drives me insane. I don't know why I let her bother me… Usually I don't let anyone bother me, but somehow she just… I dunno how to describe it. She's under my skin almost. Faye just digs and digs and then stays under there. No matter how hard you try to get rid of her, she's always there. Argh! It's pissing me off just thinking about her.

Calm down, take deep breaths, think about Julia… Julia… I miss her. I wish I knew where she was. Last I heard of her was from that guy, if you want to call him that. Gren? I think was his name. He didn't know where she was, but he had known her, and she had mentioned me…

__

*  
There's a girl living under my skin  
There's this girl and she's wearing me thin  
And I think she's the reason  
That it's open broken hearted season  
*

Faye is so freaking annoying! Huh? Wait, where did that come from? God, I'm thinking about Faye again! Ehhh, get out of my head woman! Why do you enjoy aggravating me, even when you're not awake!? I need a cigarette… Hell, I need a whole carton of them. Lung Cancer, that's the way to go. Hmm… Where did Faye put her cigarettes again?

I grinned and searched the room a bit, I knew she had them there somewhere and it would be perfect revenge for that argument we had earlier. I'll smoke all her cigarettes… Heh.

__

*  
You could spend your whole lifetime  
(Under my skin)  
You could be never more mine  
(Under my skin)  
There's a girl, there's a girl  
There's a girl, there's a girl  
*

There they are! I pulled the packet out from under one of the seat cushions, where she had hidden her extra pack on the bridge. This'll annoy the hell out of her… I opened the pack and pulled a cigarette out, sticking it between my lips, then I slid the rest of the pack into my coat. Now where did I put my lighter?

__

*  
Get a little bit  
give a little bit  
get a little high yeah  
When you push love so far away  
It eats you up inside  
*

"Spike? What are you doing?"

I turned around and saw her standing there, she rubbed her eyes and blinked.

"Nothing," I replied. "I just couldn't sleep."

"Oh… Where's Jett?" She took a few steps closer to me. My heart started beating faster; what is wrong with me?

"I-I dunno, he's around somewhere though." I lit the cigarette to help calm myself down. Why was she making me so nervous? Other than the fact that I'm smoking one of her cigarettes… Though that doesn't bother me, as a matter of fact…

"Where'd you get the cigs? I thought you ran out?" I grinned.

"I found them."

"HEY! Those are mine!" She reached for the cigarette in my mouth, but I dodged her and took a long drag, blowing the smoke back at her.

"Well, they're mine now." She growled and jumped at me. I hadn't been expecting that.

__

*  
There's a girl living under my skin  
There's this girl and she's wearing me thin  
And I think she's the reason  
That it's open broken hearted season  
*

We both tumbled to the floor, her on top and me on the bottom. We were both surprised so we didn't move for a second. It was so strange, I suddenly just got sucked into her eyes. She's got green eyes… I never really noticed them before. It felt like we were lying there for eternity, she was kinda leaning toward me even. We were about nose to nose and then…

"Faye-faye!"

Faye gasped and got off of me, taking the cigarette in my hand with her.

"What do you want Ed?" Faye asked.

"What were you and Spike doing?" I coughed and stood up, watching Faye's face turn bright red.

"We were fighting," I told her.

"That didn't look like fighting to Ed…" Ed replied, grinning. I pulled the pack of cigarettes out of my coat and tossed them to Faye. I walked out of the room.

"Whatever…"

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*  
And I think she's the reason  
That it's open broken hearted season  
There's a girl, there's a girl…

***

A/N: This is my first finished Cowboy Bebop Fic, I may write more, but I think I need to finish my FF8 and my Kenshin stuff first. ^^;; Thanks to SelphieBabe, my muse. ^_^

-Rhyein


	2. Trip Through Your Wires

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Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop… Not even Spike. *curses* I don't own "Trip Through Your Wires" either, which belongs to U2. This is a sequel to "Under My Skin" and I may or may not continue them, depends on my mood. ^_^;; Thanks!

-Rhyein/Aozame

*  
_In the distance  
You saw me coming  
I was calling out  
I was calling out  
*_

I stared at him. He was sitting on the other side of the table, playing solitaire. One of the only times he is ever really easy to be around. He's quiet, he's concentrating on something in front of him, not trying to occupy his mind with ways to annoy me.

He's so aggravating. Really, he is. He only pulls shit like this to piss me off. It's like he's making a study of my reactions to everything. Seeing what his limits are, how far he can go before I rip him a new asshole. God, I hate it when he's in his mischievous moods, I never get any rest, cos I'm afraid of what he's gonna do as soon as I close my eyes. Spike Spiegel, you drive me insane.

*  
_Shill shaking  
Still in pain  
You put me back together again  
I was cold  
And you clothed me  
I was down  
And you lifted me  
*_

I lit a smoke and breathed in deeply.

Though, I admit, he has bailed my ass outta quite a few spots… Even when he didn't have to. He and Jett could have kicked me off the Bebop way back when I first moved in. They didn't have to tolerate it. They didn't have to roll their eyes and say, "whatever." They could have thrown me off right then and there, and there would have been nothing I could have done about it.

Really, why do they put up with me? I eat their food, I cut in on their bounties, I use their water, I take over their ship… Yet they don't kick me off… Why?

__

*  
Angel or devil  
I was thirsty  
And you wet my lips

You, I'm waiting for you  
You, you set my desire  
I trip through your wires  
*

I studied him a bit more. It was really rare that I got a chance to truly look him over when he was actually healthy and awake… Spike's not a bad looking guy. His mouth needs to be sewn shut forever, but other than that, he's pretty damn sexy.

God, did I just think that? Spike? Sexy? …Well… I guess… In a weird sort of way… His messy hair, his lanky build, his calm exterior… And those eyes. When they look at you, you feel like he's not even seeing you. His eyes are always half-closed, like he's not fully awake, but not fully asleep… As if he's caught somewhere in a dream.

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*  
I was broken, bent out of shape  
I was naked in the clothes you made  
My lips were dry, throat like rust  
You gave me shelter  
From the heat and the dust  
There's no more water in the well  
No more water in the well  
*

I got up and walked over to the table and sat down next to Spike on the couch. Ed was sucked into a chess game on the bridge and Jett was playing with his bonsai trees. Just me and Spike… Me and Spike… My spine feels all tingly when I think that… I dunno why… I guess I am attracted to him… when he's not being obnoxious… Like last week, when he stole my cigarettes and we fell over each other.

Shit, I was nervous… He just stared into my eyes. It wasn't like usual when he looks like he's in his dream-world, he was really looking at me, staring at me. If Ed hadn't have come in when she did…

__

*  
Angel or devil  
I was thirsty and you wet my lips  
You, I'm waiting for you  
You, You set my desire  
*

"You want something?"

I gasped. I hadn't realised that I had been staring at him. I could feel my face turning red. No! Don't blush! He'll tease me for months!

"…No… I was just… watching your game…" What a lame excuse.

"Uh-huh…" he raised an eyebrow. He looks so cute when he's confused.

"Sorry if I bothered you." I made to as if to leave, but he put a hand on my arm. I could feel my spine melt at his touch. Geez, what is this? High school? Puppy love? I'm so pathetic.

"You don't have to leave… You were just weirding me out a little."

I sat back down. I wonder what would happen if I…

"Hey, Spike?" He raised his eyes from the game again and looked at me. Those clear brown eyes… One of them looks a little lighter in colour though… That's strange, I never noticed it before.

"Yeah?" I kinda got lost in his eyes for a moment. He and Jett had done so much for me, and they didn't have to. I… I'm just pathetic.

"Nevermind…"

*  
_I trip through your wires  
Thunder, thunder on the mountain  
There's a rain cloud in the desert sky  
In the distance you saw me coming  
I was calling out  
I was calling out…_


	3. Judy Blue Eyes: Suite

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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, or "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes", which belongs to Crosby, Stills, and Nash. Now shoo, evil lawyers.

*

It's getting to the point  
Where I'm no fun anymore  
I am sorry.  
Sometimes it hurts so badly  
I must cry out loud  
I am lonely  
I am yours, you are mine,  
You are what you are  
And you make it hard-  
*

Bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, BORED. I hate being bored. I need something to challenge me. Now. I'm going to go insane if I don't find something to do… 

"Hi, Spike…"

I looked up. Faye was leaning over my shoulder grinning.

"What did you do?"

"Normally the correct response to that is, 'Hi, Faye. How are you?'" I raised an eyebrow and rolled my eyes. She shrugged and sat next to me. She's been doing that a lot lately… sitting next to me, I mean. I wonder why.

Earth is so boring… I wish we had a bounty to catch. I'm sick of eating food in a cup and having only Ed on computer, Ein beating Jett at chess, and Faye in a bathrobe to entertain me. Not that any of those things are all that entertaining to begin with… Except maybe Faye in a bathrobe. Everytime I see her like that I have a millions ideas on how to annoy the hell outta her run through my head. Usually I'll pick one and then plan out exactly how I'd go about doing it. Like turning off all the hot water on the ship, just before she gets into the shower. Or bribing Ein into stealing her clothes while she's in the shower already. I never do any of them, but they're fun to plan out anyway. I HATE being BORED…

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*  
Remember what we've said, and done, and felt  
About each other  
Please have mercy  
Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now  
I am not dreaming  
I am yours, you are mine  
You are what you are  
And you make it hard-  
*

"Where is everyone?" I looked at her.

"I think they went to get food," I replied.

"…So it's just us?"

"…I guess so…" Faye suddenly seemed very self-conscious. She pulled a cigarette pack out of her coat and slid one between her lips and lit it. She tried to do it as non-chalantly as she could, but I noticed her hands were shaking when she did it.

"Are you okay?" She inhaled deeply and smiled at me, trying to look calm.

"Sure, why?" I gestured toward her quaking hand. Her eyes widened and she stood up unsteadily.

"I'm fine."

"Whatever…" I shrugged. If she didn't want to tell me, she didn't have to. She turned back toward me and frowned.

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh… well… I… I just wanted to… well… say… thanks." I blinked.

"For what?"

"…For everything you and Jett have done for me." I just stared at her for a moment, disbelieving. Did I just hear the phrase 'thank you' come out of _Faye's_ mouth?

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*  
Tearing yourself away from me now, you are free  
And I am crying. This does not mean I don't love you,  
I do, that's forever, and always  
I am yours, you are mine  
You are what you are  
And you make it hard-  
*

"Uh… You're welcome… I guess…" I replied uncertainly. She just stared at me for a second, I can tell there was something else that she wanted to say, but couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Was there something else?" I asked. She looked away from me and thought for a second. This is new, Faye being shy. She walked back and sat on the table, directly in front of me. I sat back in surprise, she looked very determined, yet apprehensive at the same time. She wanted to ask me something, but was afraid of what my answer would be. That's what her eyes were telling me.

"…Do you still love Julia?"

I could feel my eyes widen a bit as the sentence sunk into my brain. Why does Faye want to know if I love Julia? Of course I love Julia… Don't I? I hesitated for a second, just a second.

"Yes… Why?" Faye stood up quickly and looked at the floor.

"Okay," she said quietly and then left the room. I watched her leave and stared blankly at the floor for a second. Why did she want to know that? Of course I love Julia. Though… I guess she's become more of an unreachable star. It's highly unlikely I'll ever see her again. I know I'll always love her, but Julia has become more of an Angel that I can never touch than a real person.

__

*  
Something inside is telling me that  
I've got your secret.  
Are you still listening?  
Fear is the lock, and laughter the key  
To your heart  
And I love you.  
I am yours, you are mine  
You are what you are  
And you make it hard  
You make it hard-  
*

I could hear the sound of an engine starting and I realised that Faye was leaving. I got up and walked to the window. I watched as her small ship rise into the blue sky of Earth and fly toward land. Why did that upset her so much?

…I'm so oblivious. Last week, with the cigarettes… when we almost kissed. A few days ago when she was watching me play solitaire. Today… We were alone… Does Faye really like me that much? I'm the person who goes out of his way to annoy the hell out of her.

…I'm also the guy that has saved her ass more than once, and had my ass saved by her just as many times. I guess… She's never really had anyone she could truly trust. If she was telling the truth about the cryogenic sleep thing… everyone she's ever met since she woke up, have only been manipulating her and using her to get money.

Except us.

Well, sure, we were going to use her to get money, but we didn't did we? The beautiful, smart, and conniving gypsy. The only person I know that can beat me in a verbal battle. The only person, besides Julia, that can draw an emotion other than indifference out of me.

__

*  
Friday evening, Sunday in the afternoon  
What have you got to lose?  
Can I tell it like it is? Help me I'm suffering  
Listen to me-Help me I'm dying  
It's my heart that's a suffering, it's a dying  
That's what I have to lose  
*

I wonder what it would be like to kiss Faye.

Julia had soft lips, delicate, I was almost afraid that I'd break her.

…Do I really like Faye that much? Like…

I guess I do… I like Faye…

No. It's more than like… but I don't know if I'd call it love, but it's definitely more than just 'like'.

Maybe I'm just lonely. Faye's the only woman I see everyday who's close to my age… Well, physically at least…

I like Jett, I like Ed, I like Ein… most of the time anyway… Faye… I… I _really_ like Faye. I looked back out the window.

I hope she comes back. I think I'd miss her if she didn't.

__

*  
I've got an answer  
I'm going to fly away  
What have I got to lose?  
Will you come see me Thursdays and Saturdays?  
What have you got to lose?  
*

(Later that evening…)

I've been lying out here on the deck, watching the stars. I guess that's one thing I like about Earth. The night sky. You can see some of the meteors falling, it's really pretty. They're small specks of orange against the black, burning as they enter the atmosphere.

Faye hasn't come back yet. Jett wanted to know if we had had a fight. I told him no.

There. I can see her ship. It's right there. It's coming this way kind of slowly.

I stood up so she wouldn't land on me and backed into the shadows. She flew over the Bebop once, then twice, and then slowly descended. I watched as she landed and jumped out of her ship, shaking her head. She looked like she had been rolling in some leaves. Her hair was mussed and her clothes in disarray. She looked up at the sky and lit a cigarette. I could tell that she was hesitating. She couldn't decide whether or not to come back inside. I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it, letting her know I was there. She startled and glared at me.

"Spying?" she asked. I shrugged.

"Where were you?"

"Why do you care?"

"…Because… Uh… I think Ed would miss you." I'm so lame.

__

*  
Chestnut brown canary, ruby-throated sparrow.  
Sing a song, don't be long.  
Thrill me to the marrow.  
Voices of the angels, ring around the moonlight  
Asking me, said she so free  
How can you catch the sparrow?  
*

"Just Ed?" she asked, walking toward me.

"Well, we all know that Jett would be happy to get rid of the person that uses up all the hot water…" I said, grinning. She stopped in front of me and smiled a little. Her eyes looked a little puffy, like she had been crying.

"…Yeah, I guess," she replied, flicking her cigarette into the ocean.

"…I guess I'd miss you too…" I said quietly. She looked at me, surprised. I stared out over the water and flicked my own cigarette in.

"…You would?"

"…Yeah. Who would I have to annoy?" I said smirking. She narrowed her eyes in annoyance, but smiled.

Silence.

"Faye… What I said about loving Julia…" She looked up at me, her eyes were full of sorrow and pain. She likes me more than I thought she did.

"Yes?"

"…Well… I… I do love her… but, well… she's more like… an impossible dream, than a person anymore…" I said. Faye was quiet, I let the information sink in.

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"I… I-"

"I know," I interrupted, smiling down at her. Faye gasped slightly and looked up at me, blushing. I stepped toward her and leaned down slowly. Then I kissed her.

I could feel her stiffen in surprise for a second, but she slowly relaxed and wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me back.

__

*  
Lacy lilting lady, loosing love lamenting  
Change my life, make it right  
Be my lady…


	4. Dark Night of the Soul

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AN: These are fun to write. ^^;; They're also an excuse to procrastinate my 15 page Pop Culture paper. ^^;; Shhhhh!! I'm showing my rather diverse tastes off, aren't I? Aerosmith, U2, Crosby, Stills and Nash, as well as George Gershwin, and now Loreena McKennitt… ^^;; Oh well, enjoy. Oh, and as for you who read "Avant Garden" I'm sorry, it'll be a while before I get any more of that done… Exams suck and sonfics are easier to write quickly. ^^;;

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, or "The Dark Night of the Soul" which belongs to Loreena McKennitt. Shoo you evil lawyers.

*  
Upon a darkened night  
the flame of love was burning in my breast  
And by a lantern bright  
I fled my house while all in quiet rest  
*

I couldn't believe it. He… He DID it. He KNEW. How did he know? How did he find out? Was I _that_ obvious? Not that it matters anymore. I had flown off to be by myself. He had told me he still loved Julia and that had upset me, cos I thought then that I would never know what it was like to be with Spike. Sure he drives me insane… but there's something about him that's just… addicting.

The way he smirks, the way he watches people, the way he rolls his eyes, the way he lays on the couch, the way he walks, the way he sighs, the way he whines when there's no meat… I would go insane with boredom if he wasn't around.

The way he pretends not to care, the way his eyes light up at a challenge, the way he teases, the way he kisses… I get shivers down my spine just remembering it.

I stared out the window at the stars. We were back in space, moving toward Venus. I smoked my cigarette slowly and just stared. I should probably get some sleep, everyone else is in bed… but for some reason I'm too worked up to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is Spike, smiling down at me.

__

*  
Shrouded by the night  
and by the secret star I quickly fled  
The veil concealed my eyes  
while all within lay quiet as the dead  
*

I leaned against the glass and sighed contentedly. It had been uncertain at first, as if he wasn't sure how I was going to react. Either he was scared I was going to slug him or he was afraid to break me. Maybe a little of both.

I touched my lips unconsciously and smiled. It had been nice. I had tangled my fingers in his messy hair while trying to figure out what he tasted like.

Cigarettes and Ramen.

I chuckled to myself as I remembered. It certainly wasn't what I had expected him to taste like. Though I guess I had some overly romantic notions as to how Spike would taste, I should have known it would be cigarettes and food, his two favourite things in the universe.

I walked off the bridge, planning to watch some television, since I couldn't seem to sleep. In the common room, Ein was sleeping on the floor near the stairs. I saw Spike was awake, and carrying Ed to the couch; she had fallen asleep on the stairwell again. I wonder how she does it…

"Hiya," I whispered quietly. Spike looked up at me and smiled slightly as he set Ed down on the couch.

"Hi," he replied quietly.

"You know, she'll end up on the floor again…"

"I know, but I'll feel better if I put her on the couch for now."

You know, it's funny that he says he doesn't care, but then turns around and does things like that.

__

*  
Oh night thou was my guide  
oh night more loving than the rising sun  
Oh night that joined the lover  
to the beloved one  
transforming each of them into the other  
*

"So what are you doing up?" I shrugged.

"I can't seem to sleep…"

"Yeah, me neither."

I walked over to the chair and flopped down in it. Spike pulled up another chair and spun it around, sitting on it backwards, and rested his arms on the back of the seat.

It took me a moment to realise he was watching me.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you looking at me like that then?"

"Cos I like looking at you."

I could feel my face flush and I looked away from him. I could feel his eyes on me though, it was a strange feeling. He had his whole attention on me. There was no dreaminess there, no half-awake, half in a dream air around him. He was focused upon me and me alone. It was strange… but nice. It made me feel… wanted.

__

*  
Upon that misty night  
in secrecy, beyond such mortal sight  
Without a guide or light  
than that which burned so deeply in my heart.  
*

Spike rested his chin on his arms and watched me squirm. He was enjoying the effect he was having on me. The silence was broken at the sound of Ed rolling over and mumbling something about spaghetti. I levelled my own gaze at him and smirked.

"Is there anything else you want? …Other than to look at me, that is…"

A sly grin spread across his face and I instantly regretted speaking those lines.

"Well…" I swallowed nervously. As much as I love him, I don't trust him when he's grinning slyly at me.

"What?"

"You could take a walk with me," he replied finally, standing up. I breathed out. He enjoys making me squirm in apprehension and then saying something totally opposite of what I thought he was going to say… One of these days I'm gonna smack him for it. Spike stuck his hands in his pockets and wait for me to climb out of the chair.

"Where are we going?" I asked. He offered me his elbow.

"This way," he replied, waiting. I stared at him uncertainly for a moment, and then slipped my arm through his. He only smiled at me and began to walk down the hall.

__

*  
That fire t'was led me on  
and shone more brightly than of the midday sun  
To where he waited still  
it was a place where no one else could come  
*

I was a little nervous about where he was taking me, but there weren't many places we could end up… The Bebop isn't THAT big. Wait a sec… this is the way to the hanger… why are we going there?

"Are we going to the hanger?" He glanced back at me.

"Yup."

"Why?"

"Cos it's less crowded there."

…Well, so is my room, but I'm not going to suggest that. He turned on the lights to the hanger and led me over to a corner, where he sat down. I watched him for a second, and he glanced up at me.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Oh… no…" I replied and sat next to him. It was nice and quiet out in the hanger. It was far enough away from the engine that someone could easily fall asleep out here and have no interruptions for a while. I had a feeling that Spike knew this. As a matter of fact… now that I think about it… This is probably where Spike disappears to all the time, when he's not on the couch. It wouldn't surprise me. He leaned back against the wall and lit a cigarette. Then offered one to me. I stared at him for a second, shocked.

"What?" he murmured with the cigarette still in his mouth.

"…You're offering to share one your precious cigarettes with me?"

"…Why not? We've shared much more unhygienic things…" he replied, winking at me. I took the cigarette and blushed slightly at the memory. "You seemed to have enjoyed it as well," he said a-matter-of-factly as he held out a flame. I lit my cigarette and leaned against the wall, glaring at him.

"I don't seem to remember you complaining either…" I smiled satisfactorily as he choked on the nicotine he had just inhaled and watched him blush a little.

__

*  
Oh night thou was my guide  
oh night more loving than the rising sun  
Oh night that joined the lover  
to the beloved one  
transforming each of them into the other  
*

"You're blushing," I pointed out, taking a nice, long drag from the cigarette. He stubbed out his own cigarette and put it back into the pack, half unfinished. His eyes were watering a little from the smoke going down the wrong pipe.

"I am not," he mumbled, trying to hide under his hair. I grinned, enjoying the moment thoroughly.

"You know, you're really cute when you blush…"

"Yeah, well… so are you." I looked over at him, as he glared at me out of the side of his eye. I only smiled innocently and took another drag from the cigarette.

"Am I?"

"…Yes…"

I grinned at him and leaned over, kissing him on the cheek.

"You're sweet."

"…Whatever…" he said, rolling his eyes. I leaned my head on his shoulder, put my cigarette out, and smiled softly. I could sleep like this…

I felt him stiffen a bit as I leaned against him, but he relaxed after a moment, and then adjusted himself so that he could lean into the corner and I could use him as a pillow. I closed my eyes and smiled again as he hesitantly put his arm around me.

This is nice…

__

*  
Within my pounding heart  
which kept itself entirely for him  
He fell into his sleep  
beneath the cedars all my love I gave  
From o'er the fortress walls  
the wind would brush his hair against his brow  
And with its smoothest hand  
caressed my every sense it would allow  
*

"Spike?"

Silence.

"…Spike?"

Silence.

I shifted my weight and glanced up at him. He was asleep. I sat up carefully, so as not to wake him, and studied him for a moment. Every detail, no matter how insignificant, I wanted to remember it forever. The way his hair fell across his eyes, and his mouth, his eyelashes, the fraction of movement that he made when he breathed in, all of it. I reached up carefully and brushed his hair away from his eyes, and then let my hand slide down the side of his face. He shifted a little, but didn't wake up.

__

*  
Oh night thou was my guide  
oh night more loving than the rising sun  
Oh night that joined the lover  
to the beloved one  
transforming each of them into the other  
*

I stared at his mouth. I had a sudden urge to kiss him. Partly to see what would happen and partly to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I leaned forward carefully and hesitated for a second… Then I kissed him. Very softly, I didn't want to wake him up.

After a second I could feel pressure being applied back, and I realised he was awake. I gasped slightly in embarrassment, having been caught, but he took advantage of me in the gasp and deepened the kiss.

Oh God… When Spike kisses me… the… the whole world disappears. His focus is upon me and me alone, everything else just disappears, it's like I get pulled into that dream world of his, and can't get back out again.

Not that I'd want to.

After a moment I broke the kiss and looked at him breathlessly. He was staring… no, not staring… it was more than staring… I can't even describe it… It made me feel like I was the only person in the world. I took a deep breath and laid my head on his chest, only to realise he was breathing just as heavily as I was. I could feel his hand stroking my hair softly, and he kissed the top of my head.

I close my eyes sleepily… Just as I drifted off to sleep… I could hear myself whisper something to him.

"…I love you Spike…"

__

*  
I lost myself to him  
and laid my face upon my lovers breast  
And care and grief grew dim  
as in the mornings mist became the light  
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair  
there they dimmed amongst the lilies fair  
there they dimmed amongst the lilies fair...


	5. Wanted Dead or Alive

__

AN: Here's a new one… This chapter is all from Jett's POV of the circumstances and just life in general… I'm hoping to maybe do one from Ed's POV as well. I think I've decided to drag this out until the end of the series… I'm thinking this started taking place around ep 18 or so… This particular song was chosen, not for the lyrics fitting with the circumstances, but the lyrics fitting with the person who is seeing the circumstances. 

Well, for those who enjoy reading these, I wouldn't mind some suggestions of songs for future chapters. ^_^ So go ahead and make suggestions and I'll see if I can get the songs to fit in.

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or "Wanted Dead or Alive" which belongs to Bon Jovi. Shoo evil lawyers, I'm only a broke college student who's not making money of this, therefore not worth sueing.

*

It's all the same, only the names will change  
Everyday it seems we're wasting away  
Another place where the faces are so cold  
I'd drive all night  
Just to get back home  
*

We're almost to Venus. I think we missed the bounty though, so we'll probably end up on Mars before the week is out. Faye is awake. I saw her wander by my room looking somewhat dazed and… well… happy.

Speaking of Faye… Her and Spike have been acting strange lately. They actually haven't fought in over forty-eight hours. It's… a miracle, I think.

I guess it's nice not to have them at each other's throats constantly, but it's a bit unnerving… like they're plotting things behind my back. Both of them are sneaky little shits and I trust Faye about as far as I can throw her. At least we're almost to Venus. I was kinda tired of space, and VERY tired of Earth.

__

*  
I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride  
I'm wanted dead or alive  
Wanted dead or alive  
*

I stood up slowly and stretched. Pretty much everyone else was asleep. I'd just been pruning some of my bonsai trees and day-dreaming about lots of food. Well, if Faye's up I guess I'll take a walk, talk to her about the bounty or something… It'll give me something to do.

I walked out of the room and stopped. I could see Spike and Faye sitting in the rec-room together. She was draped over the armchair and Spike was staring at her. Ed was asleep on the couch. I stayed in the shadows and watched them for a second. They were acting really strange, almost as if… Nah.

__

*  
Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days  
And people I meet always go their separate way  
Sometimes you tell the day  
By the bottle that you drink  
And times when you're all alone all you do is think  
*

I watched them for a second and then they got up and left, making their way toward the hanger. What was strange was that Spike offered his elbow to Faye… That was weird…

I wandered into the rec-room after they had left and sat down. Ed rolled off the couch and curled up on the floor. I'm tired, but not sleepy… You know that feeling? I wonder what's with Spike and Faye. I kinda feel left out I guess. They're all buddy-buddy right now and are ignoring me. Not that I'm lonely.

It's strange. I've been thinking a lot lately. Since there are more people on the ship now, I seem to find more time to do things that I normally couldn't do before. I find myself thinking about the past a lot. Mostly about the first time I met Spike… and the day I became a cowboy.

__

*  
I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride  
I'm wanted dead or alive  
Wanted dead or alive  
*

Being a cowboy… It's the closest I can get to being a cop again without actually being a cop. The ISSP is so screwed up with power-hungry idiots I just had to get out. Here I am now, chasing down bad guys for money. It's a little annoying sometimes because Spike doesn't always want to go after the same guys I do. He always needs a challenge to keep his attention. So before Faye showed up, it was hard to make money cos I had to find some round-about way of talking him into chasing a bounty.

Spike… He's a strange one. He just kinda floated into my life on accident and I have a feeling someday he's going to leave the same way. I had been at this Jazz and Blues café on Mars, chasing down a small bounty. I was alone then. There he was, sitting a few tables away, watching me. Though I didn't know he was watching me. He's not a very obvious person, and I was too busy watching my bounty to notice. Then it happened.

The bounty stood up and started walking toward the bar. He stuck his hand in his coat to pull out a gun. The guy was a small-time thief who liked to hold up bars and cafés. Anyway, I went to intercept him, but just as he passed Spike's table… Spike stuck his leg out and the guy went flying. He did it so smoothly that I didn't even realise he had done it until the guy was sprawled on the floor with his gun spinning away.

Spike didn't even know the guy had a bounty on his head. So I took in the bounty and offered half to Spike… The rest, as they say, is history.

__

*  
I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride  
I'm wanted dead or alive  
Wanted dead or alive  
*

I think too much. I wonder what Spike and Faye are doing…

I stood up and wandered slowly toward the hanger. I didn't hear any voices, as a matter of fact, I didn't hear anything at all. Just the engine of the Bebop. I glanced around and shrugged. I guess they're in the hanger. I decided that I should probably get to work on Faye's ship, she needed some upkeep after our last job.

I opened the hanger door and started to wander around one of the ships, but stopped in my tracks.

They were kissing.

Spike and Faye… were… KISSING.

I blinked and rubbed my eyes. I must be dreaming.

__

*  
I walk these streets, a loaded six string on my back  
I play for keeps, 'cause I might not make it back  
I been everywhere, still I'm standing tall  
I've seen a million faces  
And I've rocked them all  
*

I took another look.

Nope, I wasn't dreaming.

They broke apart and Faye laid her head on Spike's chest and whispered something before falling asleep. Spike looked kinda surprised at her and furrowed his brow. I wasn't sure what to do, so I stepped back a little into the shadow of the ship and watched again… Just to make sure I really was awake. Spike seemed to slip into deep thought. At least, that's the way it looked. His eyes went all unfocused and he was staring at a spot just beyond the floor. Whatever Faye said to him, it didn't seem to have settled well on his mind.

Man, life is going to be so weird now…

Though I did say that Spike needs a challenge to keep his attention, and if Faye isn't a challenge, I dunno what is.

__

*  
I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride  
I'm wanted dead or alive  
I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side  
I'm wanted dead or alive  
Wanted dead or alive 


	6. Hole in my Soul

__

AN: Man, it was hard trying to find the right song. I have a ton of them written down that work really well, but I only found two that fit the situation as well as the people right now. I decided upon "Hole in My Soul" by Aerosmith. I think I have an Ed song coming soon for those who wanted one. ^_^ This whole song takes place during ep 20, "Pierrot Le Fou". It's mostly just bits and pieces of what's going through Spike's head during the ep.

Warning: The language gets really nasty further down, so if you're offended by anything stronger than "damn" I suggest not reading this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or "Hole in My Soul", which belongs to Aerosmith. *Points* There's the door you evil lawyers, don't let it hit you in the butt on the way out.

*  
I'm down a one-way street  
With a one night stand  
With a one track mind  
Out in no man's land  
The punishment sometimes don't seem to fit the crime  
*

Nine ball in the corner pocket…

Voila. I win. My opponent nodded in concession and walked away. I saluted him with my whiskey on the rocks.

I need a stronger drink.

My plan was to wander around Mars and get dead drunk, then go back to the Bebop, piss Faye off and then hope that everything will be the way it was a month ago when I wake up.

I finished the rest of my drink and left the café. Outside, I lit my cigarette and breathed in deeply.

She loves me.

What do you say to something like that? She knows that I still love Julia, she knows that "love" has never really been one of my favourite words, yet she said it to me anyway. It's been a few days since she said it, and I haven't really spoken to her since. She's been treading eggshells around me, I can tell. Faye seems like she's scared that she'll do or say something that will push me away forever.

She probably would… It seems that I'm just looking for an excuse to run away.

*  
_Yeah, there's a hole in my soul  
But the one thing I learned  
For every love letter written  
There's another one burned  
So you tell me, how it's gonna be, this time…  
Is it over? Is it over, 'cause I'm blowing out the flame  
_*

What the hell?

I stopped at the end of the alley and blinked. Just down the street, there were bodies. Dead. All of them.

One man was standing. He was large and round. I waited, hoping he wouldn't notice me and move on.

"Hello, boy."

I gasped and rolled forward, behind some trash cans, drawing my gun. Fuck, I can't afford to get into a fire-fight now. I'm tired, I've been drinking, and this guy just killed a whole bunch of very heavily armed men.

I'm dead.

Shit, what am I gonna do? I fired at him and ran, but he caught up with me and dropped kicked me into the air. After kicking me around some more, he finally let me hit the ground, which hurt like hell. Now, I'm staring down the barrel of a very long gun that looks like a cane.

Am I going to die?

Is this it? Is this the one that I'm not coming back from?

You're not getting out of this one, Spike.

What is this pit in my stomach? I'm not scared of dying still, am I? It's just a dream anyway, so why am I scared?

__

"I love you, Spike…"

Shit, Faye.

I don't want to die. Please God, don't let me die…

…

…

*  
_Take a walk outside your mind  
Tell me how it feels to be  
The one who turns the knife inside of me  
Take a look and you will find  
There's nothing there girl, yeah I swear  
_*

"There he is, the rumoured mummy."

Ouch. Pain, all over. Gimme my orange back, Faye.

"So, I heard you got beaten up by some weird guy?"

Yeah, yeah, I almost died, and it's your fault, now gimme the damned orange.

"I recall you were sleeping like this once before…"

Yes, and you were worried about me. Now gimme the damn orange, I'm hungry.

"You really haven't shown any improvement…"

Yare, yare. I guess this means you have no taste in men then too? No! Don't peel it! It's MINE!

"Oh well, it doesn't have anything to do with me."

Yes it does, it was all your fault I went out drinking, if you hadn't have said that to me- NO! My orange…

"Don't you end up in situations like that because you never behave?"

Like you do… You ate my orange.

"Well, I have nothing to do with it."

My orange.

"So, since I have nothing to do with it, if you'll excuse me…"

That was my orange, wench.

"Take care."

If I could just sit up without passing out from the pain, I'd kill you, woman.

She walked out of the room, leaving the orange peel on my head.

I really hate her sometimes… To think, she was the reason I didn't want to die. Silly me.

*  
_I'm telling you girl, yeah, cause there's a  
Hole in my soul  
That's been killing me forever  
It's a place, where the garden never grows  
There's a hole in my soul  
Yeah I should have known better  
That your love's like a thorn without a rose, yeah, yeah…  
_*

"Hello boy, I'll invite you to a wonderful party… Wait, this is- Listen, Ed, keep the fact that this mail came a secret from Spike, okay?"

"Secret? Why? Why secret?"

"If we don't that idiot-"

"Will run out and meet him?" I finished for her. She gasped and looked at me out of the corner of her eye. I raised an eyebrow and smiled at her. Faye moved as Ed walked around her, and leaned against the wall, puffing on her cigarette.

"It's a secret, secret mail!" Ed said cheerfully, pointing to the computer on her head. I leaned forward and read it.

"Space Land? Pretty considerate for him to hold the party there…" I said.

"Are you going like that?" Faye asked quietly, gesturing toward my bandages. "It would be perfect if the party was a masquerade."

I stared at my hand. Do I want to go? Maybe he'll really kill me this time. If I don't go, he'll probably just hunt me down though.

"Maybe this one really will be the end of me," I murmured quietly to myself. I saw Faye stiffen out of the corner of my eye and spoke a little louder. "Just kidding," I said, and smiled at her. "Would you come rescue me if I said that?" I asked. I could see fear in her emerald eyes. She didn't want me to go. Finally she just turned her head from me and took another puff of her cigarette.

"Idiot," Faye muttered.

"Idiot! Idiot; idiot!" Ed echoed, laughing.

*  
_I'm as dry as a seven-year drought  
I've got dust for tears and I'm all tapped out  
Sometimes I feel broke, can't get fixed  
I know there's been all kinds of shoes underneath your bed  
I sleep with my boots on, but you're still in my head  
This time I feel like I'm down to my last licks  
Is it over? Is it over, 'cause it's driving me insane  
_*

I don't want to think about what happened with Faye. I need to go off and do something dangerous to get my mind away from reality…

Reality. Is that what this is? I never liked to believe that it was reality. It's a dream. I'm watching a dream, right? Why does my life suddenly become complex again, after all these years? Julia left me. That's it. She's gone. Why can't I seem to get over that? I guess I don't want her to be gone. To admit that she's gone would be to admit that this isn't a dream, that it really is reality… but if I admit it's reality, I have to admit that Faye loves me, and that I… Heh… That I go out of my way to piss her off.

I landed the Swordfish outside of Space Land. This place… It's still around? I remember when they had first built it, when I was a kid. I jumped out of the ship and winced, holding my ribs. I'm in a lot of fucking pain. Why do I do this to myself? I get my ass kicked, then I have to go find something to screw me up mentally and emotionally, then I have to push them all together so that I'm screwed up on the outside and the inside at the same time.

I seem to have a knack for fucking my life up.

*  
_Take a walk outside your mind  
Tell me how it feels to be  
The one who turns the knife inside of me  
Take a look and you will find  
There's nothing there girl, yeah I swear  
_*

"Hello! Welcome!"

Lights blared into my eyes. I shielded them with my arm and looked up at my host.

"Yo…" I replied. He laughed loudly.

"Let's party!" he cried, and waved his hands. Around me, the theme park came to life, fireworks, lights and the rides all turned on. How the bloody hell did he do that? Is there someone else here? I thought he was alone? Shit, maybe I really won't come back from this one. I took a few steps back, I definitely wasn't expecting this.

He began shooting at me with his cane/gun. I ducked and drew my gun, firing back at him and retreating into the park. I found a door and opened it.

I slammed it shut and took a few breaths. It hurt to breathe, but he'd catch me if I stopped.

"You're not allowed in here," a small hologram said, appearing in front of me. Go away you stupid computer image.

I moved forward. It was a ride of some sort. The hologram kept following me, telling me how dangerous it was to be in here and that we should play somewhere else. Yeah, right. I heard a loud noise, spun around, and hit the ground as a large… penguin… flew over my head. A penguin…

More penguins followed, with the madman on one of them, trying to hit me. I ducked and dodged and have probably ripped open a few wounds, cos my chest hurts like hell right now. I ran toward the exit, hearing gunshots behind me. Whatever it is, it's a damn big gun. I flew forward as the building behind me exploded.

I wish he'd just die.

*  
_I'm telling you girl yeah cause there's a   
Hole in my soul  
That's been killing me forever  
It's a place, where the garden never grows  
There's a hole in my soul  
Yeah I should have known better  
That your love's like a thorn without a rose, yeah, yeah…  
_*

I ran into the shop area, and put my back to a pillar. I'm breathing pretty heavily. My chest is _killing_ me. God, it hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, it hurts to be alive.

Heh. How prophetic does that sound? It hurts to be alive. Hell yeah it does. I cocked the gun and peered around the corner. Is that him up there? I can hear him laughing but I can't see the bastard.

It's quiet. Too quiet. I don't like quiet. Quiet makes me think about things I don't want to think about… like Faye… or Julia. Can you believe it? I _don't_ want to think about Julia. That's a new one. It's been hurting lately to think about Julia. My chest… It gets this empty feeling.

God, where is that idiot? I really don't want to start thinking about this right now. I walked carefully around the pillar and fired at the round silhouette. Shit, it wasn't him. I turned and saw him bounce down the hallway, laughing maniacally. I fired at him, but the bullets just bounced off. I don't even see why I bother. What the hell? He isn't shooting back? What's he up to?

"Hello!"

Ack!

I shot at the voice, and turned to find it was a giant robotic dog. An amusement park, why did it have to be an amusement park? I turned away and started to jog down the hall only to have the dog blow up behind me.

I flew forward and hit something. What the hell is it?

A roller coaster. Shit. It's moving too. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit… Where the fuck is he?

I stood up carefully and looked around. There he is! Coming the other way. He flicked his arm forward and I felt something catch me around the neck and pull me forward, out of the roller coaster seat.

Ow.

He's coming back.

I fired at him and got a grenade thrown at me for my efforts.

God hates me.

*  
_Is it over, yeah it's over, 'cause I'm going out, I'm free!  
Take a walk outside your mind  
Tell me how it feels to be  
The one who turns the knife inside of me  
Take a look and you will find  
There's nothing there girl, yeah I swear  
_*

Freezing cold. The water is cold. Very cold.

I gasped, and swallowed a large mouthful of sea-water. Bleck. My arms hurt too much to swim, I'll just have to hope I still float.

My head broke from the water and breathed in deeply and coughed. I found that I was near the edge of the water so I pulled myself out. Bullets suddenly began to rain around me. I looked around and saw the madman sitting on top of a wall, opposite of me, laughing and shooting. Bloody hell.

"It's show time!"

What the hell are those? Missiles?!

I began to run, and shoot back at him. No matter how futile it seems to be; since bullets appear to bounce off of him. Suddenly, a loud explosion rocked the ground around me and I spun around to see my opponent firing at a small mono-flyer…

Faye?

"That really wasn't necessary," I muttered, running toward the place that she was playing hide-and-seek with him. He fired back at her with his missiles and just missed, hitting a giant pig instead.

Stupid woman. Sure, I teased about dying, and asked if she'd come rescue me, but I didn't want her to actually COME.

The pig's head fell off, almost on top of me; some of the other debris hit her mono-flyer and she fell from the sky.

Oh shit, I'll never forgive myself if she gets killed.

*  
_I'm telling you girl yeah cause there's a   
Hole in my soul  
That's been killing me forever  
It's a place, where the garden never grows  
There's a hole in my soul  
Yeah I should have known better  
That your love's like a thorn without a rose, yeah, yeah…  
_*

There he is.

We stared at each other, neither one of us moving a muscle. The parade was coming closer. I moved slowly to get the knife I had tucked in the back of my pants. I could tell he was about to fire, any second. I reached for the knife and the light passed by me, just as he pulled the trigger. He hesitated for a second, long enough for me to jump and throw the knife at him. I caught him in the leg with the knife, he caught me in the shoulder with the bullet.

I could feel it tearing through my skin, ripping through the muscle in my shoulder, breaking a few things on its way through and then exiting again as I hit the ground. God, it hurts. Everything just seemed to stop for a moment, and then my opponent fell to the ground crying in pain. He's like a child screaming when they skin their knee. It's strange to see a man, in his forties at least, crying like a baby. The parade is getting closer… if he doesn't move he's gonna get killed.

"Mommy, it hurts!" he screamed, over and over, the same thing. For some reason I can't really do anything but sit here and watch him.

…

…

He's dead… I wonder if it hurt?

…I'm morbid.

*beep, beep*

I looked down and pulled my comm-unit out of my pocket.

"Spike, we know what he is-"

"It's okay. I don't need it now…" I replied, and turned it off, shoving it back in my pocket. I stood up slowly and clutched my shoulder. It was bleeding pretty badly. I looked over at where Faye had crashed and saw her climbing out of the mono-flyer. I stumbled toward her. I'm so tired.

She came toward me, huffing and puffing. She's so cute when she's pissed.

"Spike! You stupid idiot!" she shouted at me as she approached. I stood still. The world seemed to turn in circles if I moved, so I think staying still might be a bit better. My shoulder doesn't hurt so much anymore. As a matter of fact, nothing really hurts that much anymore. I looked at Faye. She seemed so far away from me, I couldn't really hear anything she was saying.

I'm cold.

"You talk too much," I muttered to her as the world started getting darker.

I wonder if this is what it's like to die?

What if I do die? If I died right now, I'd die in Faye's arms…

I think I could die happy like that…

If Faye were there…

*  
_Maybe I'm in love, in love, in love,  
Maybe I'm in love…  
Maybe I'm in love, in love, in love,  
Maybe I'm in love…  
Maybe I'm in love, in love, in love,  
Maybe I'm in love…  
Maybe I'm in love, in love, oooh,  
Maybe I'm in love…  
Maybe I'm in love…_


	7. Here When Gone

__

AN: Well, this one is all from Faye's POV. I'd like to reiterate that these are mostly the character's THOUGHTS on what's happening, therefore there's not a lot of dialogue, 'kay? Anyway, enjoy, I hope to get one more after this of Spike, then will be the Ed song, you've all be waiting for. *grin* 

As for D-san. I find your method of reviewing rather lacking. Next time, try not to insult the author. It seems you don't have any tact at all and it's rather painful for me to read your reviews even though I know you're trying to help… At least, I think you are.

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or "Here When Gone" which is by Jewel.

*  
I am a woman haunted by hands  
Even though I'm alone  
Traces of Pompeii  
Across my skin  
And an invisible map  
Of where you've been  
*

He hasn't spoken to me in over two days… I don't know what to do or say around him now. I remember what I said to him that night though… I told him I love him.

Do I? Why did I say that to him? I wasn't even awake when I said it. I thought I had dreamed it, until he started avoiding me like the plague.

I'm such an idiot, I've screwed up the best thing that's happened to me in three years. Great going, Faye, get the man to avoid you after you finally pull him out of his shell enough to admit he likes you.

Story of my life. Nothing but a series of screw ups.

We're on Mars right now, he's disappeared. Out drinking probably… He's got the right idea, I think.

I'll go get dead drunk. That'll solve everything… Not really, but it'll make me feel a hell of a lot better.

I moved toward the door just as Jett pushed through it, carrying something large, bloody, and wet.

It was Spike.

"Get out of the way Faye!" he shouted at me. I moved, staring in shock at the man in his arms. Spike was in almost as bad a shape as he had been when he had fought Vicious that first time.

__

*  
It's dry road to Idaho  
A thirsty tongue across the land  
And soil so dry  
You could swallow an entire man  
Took the first road out of town  
Hoping that you were just skin deep  
*

"There he is, the rumoured mummy," I said, sitting on the table, next to him. He was awake, he had been reaching for an orange. Stupid idiot, I bet he tried to get killed on purpose.

"So, I heard you got beaten up by some weird guy?" I continued, picking up the orange. His mouth was covered by bandages so all he could do was mumble. Well, since he tried to kill himself, I'm going to eat his orange.

"I recall you were sleeping like this once before…"

This is waaay too much like that time with Vicious, a few months ago. I was really worried about the idiot. I'm still worried about him. Jett bandaged him up, and I watched him all night… Not that I'd tell him that.

I began peeling the orange.

"You really haven't shown any improvement…"

No, you haven't. If you weren't on the verge of death, I'd kill you.

I began eating the orange.

"Oh well, it doesn't have anything to do with me."

No, it doesn't, but hell, I wish you wouldn't do this! Spike… I… I don't want to loose you.

"Don't you end up in situations like that because you never behave?"

Like I should talk.

"Well, I have nothing to do with it."

I'm repeating myself… What do I say to him?

"So, since I have nothing to do with it, if you'll excuse me…"

I stood up and walked past him, leaving the orange peel on his head.

"Take care."

…Why do I DO things like that!? I'm stupid, I really am. I'm just trying to screw it up more, aren't I?

__

*  
Well I feel you like  
Some sort of phantom limb  
Beside me when I sleep  
Cause you are here when gone  
You are here when gone  
You are here when gone  
You are here when gone  
*

I sat down in the next room and lit a cigarette. I didn't want to deal with my stupidity. Maybe if I smoked enough I'll die and not ever have to look at him again…?

Yeah, right.

"Faye-Faye!" I sighed and stood up, poking my head into the hallway.

"My name is Faye. Just Faye, quit saying it twice like that," I told Ed, irritatedly.

"Faye-Faye, there's a message!" she said cheerfully running up to me with her computer balanced on her head.

"What?" She wasn't listening to a word I said, was she? Oh well, I looked at the bouncing computer. Why can't she just stay still?

"I can't read it!" I growled and held onto the computer, below it, Ed continued dancing.

"Hello boy, I'll invite you to a wonderful party…" I began. Shit, it's that weird guy… He wants Spike. "Wait, this is- Listen, Ed, keep the fact that this mail came a secret from Spike, okay?" I told her, grabbing her face, to make sure she was paying attention.

"Secret? Why? Why secret?" she asked me.

"If we don't that idiot-"

"Will run out and meet him?" A voice finished for me. I gasped and turned my head slightly, Spike was behind me. 

"It's a secret, secret mail!" Ed said cheerfully, pointing to the computer on her head and dancing toward Spike. I groaned softly and leaned against the wall, taking a long drag from my cigarette as Spike leaned forward and read the mail.

"Space Land? Pretty considerate for him to hold the party there…" he said.

"Are you going like that? It would be perfect if the party was a masquerade," I asked him sarcastically. He glanced down at his hand and frowned slightly.

"Maybe this one really will be the end of me," he murmured quietly. I stiffened. The end of him? Why is he so obsessed with death? I swear if he gets killed, I'll never forgive him.

"Just kidding," he said. "Would you come rescue me if I said that?" he asked, grinning.

I really hate him sometimes. Of course I'd go rescue your ass. I meant what I said…

I did, didn't I? I really do love him. Fucking-

"Idiot," I finished my thought outloud. Spike shrugged.

"Idiot! Idiot; idiot!" Ed echoed me, laughing.

__

*  
I watch another grey day unfold  
Its dusty wings  
Sometimes I wish I were more like  
Rocks and stones and things  
Sometimes I wish my heart  
Were not like flowers at all  
*

I stared at my mono-flyer blankly. I know he's out there… at Space Land… probably getting himself killed. He shouldn't have left, he was still too weak. Idiot.

"Faye?"

I pulled my com-unit out of my pocket and stared at Jett's face.

"What?"

"Is Ed there? It's important that I talk to her."

"Yeah…" I walked out of the hanger and yelled down the hallway. "Ed! Jett's on the line!"

"OK!" she squealed back. I turned off my com-unit and stared at the flyer for a second before cursing loudly and jumping in.

That idiot, I swear, if the madman doesn't kill him, I will.

__

*  
That way I wouldn't get butterflies  
When you called  
And the night swallows itself  
You can see it in the stars  
The moon blinks its tired eyes  
*

Ouch. That hurt. Note to self: Crashing is not fun.

I pulled myself out of the mono-flyer slowly, and painfully. Jett's gonna be pissed. Oh well, fuck Jett. It was for a good cause. I looked around and saw Spike standing a little bit away, looking very tired and holding his shoulder. I jumped onto the ground and started walking toward him.

That idiot, I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna kill him.

I reached him and started yelling.

"Spike, you stupid idiot! I swear to God you gave me a heart attack, don't you EVER tease about dying again, or I'll REALLY kill you! Are you even listening to me?!"

"You talk too much," he muttered quietly before fainting.

"Spike!" I cried, as he fell into my arms. "Spike, don't die! Fucking hell, why do you DO this to me!?"

I pulled my com-unit out as I held his head in my lap.

"Jett! Get your ass here, NOW!"

__

*  
I may be a thousand miles to nowhere  
Does that make me lost or found?  
Oh - what is it that relative to if you're around?  
And some birds abandon their young  
Cause the instinct is too strong to fly  
*

I opened my eyes slowly. Had I fallen asleep? I blinked quickly, as my vision cleared. I moved my stiff neck, trying to work out the pain. I had fallen asleep on the floor, using the table as a pillow for my head. Why was I in here?

I focused upon the object across from me. Sleeping on the couch. Spike.

Oh yeah, that's why I'm in here. I sat up the rest of the way and stretched, then moved toward him. He was still breathing, that was good. I checked his temperature, and brushed his hair out of his face somewhat. He'd been asleep for almost four days now. I stared at his face and wondered what he was dreaming about.

Probably Julia.

I winced. Why do I think things like that?

Cos they're usually true. God, I'm such a pessimist. 

I stared at his sleeping face.

Why would a man like him be dreaming about someone like me when he has Julia to dream about?

I sighed and moved to stand up, but felt a hand on my arm. I looked down in surprise at Spike's sleepy face.

"Hi," he said in a raspy voice. I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

"Hi," I replied quietly.

__

*  
Well I feel like abandoning  
My guitar and my books and I'm afraid  
I don't know why  
Cause you are here when gone  
You are here when gone  
You are here when gone  
You are here when gone


	8. Nowhere Man

_AN: I dunno how many people are going to like this chapter. I have lots of theories on Ed's feelings toward Spike, and I'm sure not everyone would agree with those theories, but they're mine nonetheless. Here's your Ed chapter. ^_^_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or "Nowhere Man" by the Beatles._

_He's a real nowhere Man,  
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,  
Making all his nowhere plans  
for nobody.  
_*

Ed is bored. Waaaiii!!! Ed HATES being bored! Ed needs something to do!

"What should we do, Ein?" Ed asked Ein.

"Woof!" said Ein. Ed wishes that there were more of those mushrooms around, then I could have some fun! Or maybe another horrible Space Creature! Then Ed could freak out Faye-Faye and make her leave Spike alone…

They don't think Ed knows… but Ed does know. Ed knows that Faye-Faye loves Spike, but Spike loves Julia. Well, Ed loves Ein! And Ed loves Jett! And Ed loves Space! And Ed loves Tomato! And Ed loves M-PU! And Ed loves the Bebop! And Ed loves… Ed likes Spike.

Spike is hurt right now. Ed doesn't like it when Spike hurts, but Spike hurts all the time. No one else sees it, but Ed does. Spike hurts inside. It bothers Ed a lot when Spike hurts. I think it bothers Faye-Faye too.

*  
Doesn't have a point of view,  
Knows not where he's going to,  
Isn't he a bit like you and me?  
Nowhere Man, please listen,  
You don't know what you're missing,  
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command.  
* 

I am sitting down at Tomato right now, playing games. That's what Ed does when Ed's bored. Ed was tired of playing games though, so I stood up. I stretched and decided to see if there was anything to eat. Probably not, but Ed's going to look anyway, cos Ed is HUNGRY!

I wonder where Jett is...? I bet he's in the hanger. Ed wandered into the main room and stopped. Faye-Faye was there, she was sleeping on the floor next to Spike. Ed thinks that Spike likes Faye-Faye too, but he won't admit it yet. I hope that Spike likes Ed too... 'Cos Spike says he hates kids all the time, but Ed doesn't believe him.

I stood back a bit and watched Faye-Faye and Spike. Faye-Faye woke up after a second and looked up at Spike. She checked his temperature and brushed his hair out of his eyes. Then she sighed and stood up.

Ed feels kinda sorry for Faye-Faye. She really loves Spike.

But Ed loves Spike too! And Jett is worried about Spike and so is Ein! Why does Faye-Faye keep him for herself? It makes Ed jealous!

Spike's awake!

*  
He's as blind as he can be,  
Just sees what he wants to see,  
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?  
Doesn't have a point of view,  
Knows not where he's going to,  
Isn't he a bit like you and me?  
Nowhere Man, don't worry,  
Take your time, don't hurry,  
Leave it all till somebody else  
lend you a hand.  
*

I watched Spike take Faye-Faye's hand. Ed could hear him say "hi" to Faye-Faye. Faye-Faye smiled back at him and then... they KISSED! NOOOOOO!!! Ed's upset! Ed jumped into the room and yelled "boo!" as loud as I could so that they'd stop.

Faye-Faye and Spike looked up at Ed and blinked, they didn't understand. Ed doesn't care if they understand, Ed just wants them to stop. Then Ed ran out of the room and grabbed Tomato.

I took it back to the hanger, where Ed found Jett. He was fixing the Red Tail.

"What's the matter, Ed?" Jett asked Ed. Ed just shrugged and plugged Tomato into the wall and started playing games again. Ed hopes that Faye-Faye gets eaten by a horrible space alien.

*  
He's a real Nowhere Man,  
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,  
Making all his nowhere plans  
for nobody...


	9. Fields of Gold

__

AN: I'm going to be skipping a lot, because the eps between Pierrot Le Fou and Hard Luck Women don't really fit into my storyline, so I'm going to skip around them. ^_^ Warning, sexual themes, and more of my own strange little theories… This time about Faye. ^_~

Disclaimer: I don't own CB or "Fields of Gold" which is by Sting. Don't sue me.

*  
_You'll remember me when the west wind moves  
Upon the fields of barley  
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky  
As we walk in fields of gold  
_*

How did it come to this? Three months ago, if you had told me I'd be lying in bed next to Faye Valentine, I would have asked you what crack you were smoking. However, here I am… There she is… and it's definitely a bed I'm lying on… and these are sheets over me.

I somehow doubt that I'm asleep.

How'd this happen? I turned my head and looked at Faye's sleeping face. She was positioned so that my chest was a pillow. I stroked her head absently and stared at the ceiling.

It was a lot slower and more gentle than I imagined it would be. Can you believe Faye was a virgin? It certainly hadn't been what I had been expecting… Though, last time I had sex was about three years ago, and that was only with Julia. Heh… Julia always seemed to enjoy rough sex. It always started like we were desperate for each other… So what do I know?

*  
_So she took her love  
For to gaze awhile  
Upon the fields of barley  
In his arms she fell as her hair came down  
Among the fields of gold  
_*

I feel like I've betrayed Julia.

I don't know why… I'll probably never see her again. Hell, she's probably dead by now… If she was being chased like Gren said, then it's highly unlikely she could keep away from Red Dragon for that long… Trying to convince myself she's dead doesn't make the feeling go away though.

I… I think I'm in love with Faye.

But I still love Julia.

Argh! You know, with my luck, I'm going to run into Julia next week on accident and get my ass kicked for sleeping with Faye.

But it felt right.

It still does.

My head hurts.

*  
_Will you stay with me, will you be my love  
Among the fields of barley  
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky  
As we lie in fields of gold  
_*

I glanced at her again and carefully slid out from under her. I pulled myself slowly out of the bed and then pulled the blanket up to her chin. I froze as she rolled and mumbled something incomprehensible. After a moment, I pulled on my pants and went into the rec room. I need a cigarette.

Ed was tapping away at her keyboard when I walked into the room, she looked depressed. I blinked.

Ed was depressed? I must be imagining things…

"Hi Spike," she said in a monotone voice.

"Yo," I replied, picking up the pack of cigarettes Jett had left on the table. I pulled one out and lit it. "What'cha doing?"

"Ed was bored, so I decided to surf the 'net," she answered, not looking away from the monitor.

"Oh."

"Where's Faye-Faye?" Ed inquired. Was that a bitter tone? I shook my head and sat down. My mind is playing tricks on me.

"Asleep."

"Ed's bored still." She turned away from the computer console and pushed her goggles up, staring at me with those great, big, golden orbs of hers.

*  
_See the west wind move like a lover so  
Upon the fields of barley  
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth  
Among the fields of gold  
_*

"Spike? Do you like Faye-Faye?"

"…Yes..."

"Do you like Ein?"

"…I guess so…" Where was she going with this?

"Do you like Jett?"

"Sure."

"Do you like Ed?"

"Yeah…"

"Do you love Faye-Faye?"

I stiffened.

"…I think so."

"…Do you love Julia?"

"Yes."

"Who do you love more?"

"…"

How do I answer that? Who do I love more?

"Well?" She fidgeted impatiently.

"…I… I don't know…"

*  
_I never made promises lightly  
And there have been some that I've broken  
But I swear in the days still left  
We'll walk in fields of gold  
We'll walk in fields of gold  
_*

"You have to love one of them more…"

"Why are you asking me this?" I took a deep drag off the cigarette and frowned.

"…Ed just wanted to know," she said looking away.

You know, Ed has been acting strange lately… Ever since the 'Pierre the Mad' incident a few weeks back. I wonder what's bugging her? 

"Well, Spike doesn't want to talk about it," I snapped, mocking her constant use of third person. She startled at the tone in my voice and then looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. I winced; I hadn't meant to snap at her.

"Me too, Ed. I didn't mean to snap… I'm just… It's just…" I sighed. I didn't even know what it was, how was I going to explain it to her?

"It's okay, Spike. Maybe you should go to sleep."

"Yeah, maybe I should…" I agreed and stood up. "…Goodnight, Ed."

"Goodnight, Spike," she answered as I left the room.

I headed back toward Faye's room. I opened the door quietly and looked in. She was still asleep. I put out my cigarette and then entered the room, closing the door quietly behind me.

*  
_Many years have passed since those summer days  
Among the fields of barley  
See the children run as the sun goes down  
Among the fields of gold  
_*

I slid carefully back into the bed next to her and stared at the ceiling again. You know, it's kinda nice to be in a bed with someone again. Warm, familiar, comfortable… nice. It's a little strange, because I was so used to being alone.

Well, that and the fact that Julia is taller than Faye so it's strange to be in a bed with someone as small as her.

Next to me, Faye mumbled again and rolled over, nuzzling my neck. I closed my eyes and smiled.

I think I could get used to this.

*  
_You'll remember me when the west wind moves  
Upon the fields of barley  
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky  
When we walked in fields of gold  
When we walked in fields of gold  
When we walked in fields of gold_


	10. Seeing Things

__

AN: Yay! Chapter 10! I think I have it narrowed down to about 12 more songs till the end of the story… maybe 11. ^_^ If you also read Avant Garden, I've been working on chapter 5 like crazy and it's almost done, so be patient. ^_^

-Rhyein/Aozame

Disclaimer: I don't down Cowboy Bebop or "Seeing Things" which is by Black Crowes. Don't sue, or I'll sic my muses on you.

*  
_I find it hard to shed a tear  
You brought it all on yourself my dear  
Wrong, yes I may be  
Don't leave a light on for me  
'Cause I ain't comin' home  
It hurts me baby to be alone  
Yes, it hurts me baby  
_*

I sat, staring at the old television screen, watching the same part of the video over and over again. That statue; I know it. It's been bothering me. I sighed. I wonder where Spike went to? He's been… well… sleeping in here lately, but tonight he kind of disappeared. I'm not sure why. I stretched a bit and turned my head.

"AHH!" I yelped; Ed was sitting right next to me, staring blankly at the television. "How long have you been sitting there!?"

"…Water sploosh…" was all she said to me.

"You know this?" I asked, motioning to the image on the screen.

"I know. I don't know," she said in a melancholy tone of voice. "I don't know that I think I know. I don't think I know that I know…"

Ed fell over, asleep. She'd been sleepwalking. DAMMIT ED! 

*  
_A hundred years will never ease  
Hearing things I won't believe  
I saw it with my own two eyes  
All the pain that I can't hide  
And this pain starts in my heart  
And this love tears us apart  
You won't find me bent down on my knees  
Ain't bendin' over backwards baby  
Not to please  
_*

Okay, so maybe I feel a LITTLE bad about tying her to the roof of the Red Tail… but where else was I going to put her?

"Ed? Listen, if you take me to the 'water-sploosh' place, I'll give you something really good," I said into the com-unit. Ed's voice crackled back at me, sounding excited.

"Good thing? What!?"

I haven't a fucking clue… but it'll get her to show me, won't it?

"Something very, tremendously, wonderfully good," I replied. God, I'm such a liar. Why do I keep making promises like that? I'm surprised this kid doesn't hate me for all the promises I break. That place though… I want to- no, NEED to know about it. She wouldn't tell me if I didn't promise her something, would she?

"Something very, tremendously, wonderfully good!" she cried happily over the com.

I still can't believe I actually tied her to the roof.

*  
_'Cause I'm seeing things for the first time  
I'm seeing things for the first time, oh yeah  
I'm seeing things for the first time  
In my life, in my life  
_*

We flew over a few craters, she said it was in this direction.

I wonder what Spike and Jett will think when they wake up? Jett'll probably be pissed that I touched the ship… that and the fact that we'll probably lose our bounty now. I don't care, I need to know. I need to remember. Spike told me the past doesn't matter. What does he know? He at least HAS a past! I want to find mine, then I'll decide if it matters or not.

"Over there! Down, down!" Ed's voice said. I sighed and maneuvered the Red Tail, looking down at a giant junk heap. Dammit.

We landed not so softly, and I untied her from the roof. Ed ran through the piles of junk and I picked carefully through, glancing around. There was a small town on the edge of the heap, and then the ocean. It would have been a beautiful view, if it weren't for the junk piles and the craters.

I waited as Ed dug through the trash. She pulled something out and waved it in the air.

"This, this!" she laughed, showing me a watering can. I sighed. This had been a giant waste of time… Time to go back and get my ass chewed out by Jett.

"I found Ed!" Came a small voice behind me.

*  
_I used to dream  
Of better days that never came  
Sorry ain't nothin' to me  
I'm gone and that's the way it must be  
So please I've done my time  
Lovin' you is such a crime  
You won't find me down on, on my knees  
Won't find me over backwards baby  
Just to please_

*

The nun set a plate of food down in front of me as I dried my hair. Man, she didn't have to spray me with the hose.

"I'm sorry about that," she said. "It's the only way to get the kids to listen. I hadn't meant to hit you." She smiled warmly at me and continued setting the other places. I couldn't help but smile back.

"It's alright… Is Ed from this place?"

"She wandered in here about five years ago. Pretty soon she was eating meals with us and acting as if she'd been here all the time. Then, three years ago, she wandered back out again. I was wondering how she was doing." The nun finished setting the table and stood upright. "Time to eat!" she called.

Suddenly the table was covered in children. Blech. Too many children. Ed was with them. They said a rather… well… sacrilegious prayer and then dug into their food. I sat watching them, wondering what I was doing. Spike and Jett probably thought we left them and are in Earth's atmosphere as we speak… No, Spike wouldn't let Jett leave without me… would he? He knows I love him. I'm pretty sure he loves me too… I think. Damn that man!

We should leave. If Ed wants to stay here she can. I'm going to find my past.

*  
_'Cause I'm seeing things for the first time  
I'm seeing things for the first time  
Seeing things for the first time  
Oh I'm seeing things for the first time  
Yeah, seeing things for the first time  
I'm seeing things for the first time  
Yeah, I'm seeing things for the first time  
In my life, in my life_


	11. Time

__

AN: Sorry it took so long, my CDROM broke so I couldn't check my congruency with the anime. ^^;; This is Ed's song, she's got one more song after this and then she's gone.

-Rhyein

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or "Time" which is by INXS

*  
You got to make a sense yeah  
Everything affects ya  
You're turning up the pressure  
But can you keep it on  
*

I sat on the grass, staring at the little hologram. Ed's father? He's still alive? Ed thought he had died, when he didn't come back for Ed, so Ed had left. But he had gone to the orphanage and left this. He wasn't dead. Faye-faye's looking for her family right now. She's staring at the fountain, trying to remember. Oh, here she comes!

Aaahh!! She picked Ed up and carried her back to the Red Tail! Ouch, that hurt, Faye-faye!

__

*  
Well it's only time  
It's only time that makes you  
Well it's only time  
It's only time that breaks you  
*

It's pretty calm up here on top of the Red Tail; the sun is so pretty when it sets on Earth. Ed had missed it, the reds and the yellows and the oranges. I got a pinwheel from Faye-faye for showing her where the fountain was. She didn't tie Ed to the roof this time, she did tie me down however so I wouldn't fall off, but she made it so Ed could sit up this time. I like the wind blowing in my face. Someday, Ed wants a mono-flyer, just like Faye-faye's or like Spike's. 

Yeah, a Swordfish II would be cool.

__

*  
Yeah they're gonna make ya  
Pay for the crime  
And put you up in cages  
Treat you unkind  
*

We came back, Jett was mad at Faye-faye for changing course without asking. Spike was reading a book on the couch. I don't think Ed has ever seen Spike read a book before. Faye-faye went to her room. Spike followed her there. I went to my room; Ed didn't want to hear Spike and Faye-faye. It made Ed sad. Ed sat down and pulled the hologram out of Ed's pocket again to look at my dad. Ed doesn't remember him very well. Ed decided the easiest way to find him would to be putting a bounty on his head.

So Ed did. 50.000 000 woolongs. I giggled; Jett would probably fall over himself, thinking it was 50,000,000 woolongs! Hee hee!

Does Edward hear yelling?

__

*  
All your plans are made now  
Just like they told you  
So what becomes of Monday  
Now that Sunday's gone  
*

"Where are you going?" I asked Faye-faye. She was getting into the Red Tail. She looked like she was leaving. Yay! That means that Ed and Spike can hang out more!

"I finally remembered where I belong…" Faye-faye said smiling. Ed is surprised that Faye-faye is happy, Ed heard her and Spike fighting last night.

"Where you belong?"

"You have someone waiting for you too, somewhere that you belong. You should go look for it. That's best, you know…" Ed jumped off of the Red Tail and waved to Faye-faye. "Bye Ed," she said to Ed as she closed the hatch to the Red Tail.

"Bye-bye, Faye-faye!"

__

*  
All you ever wanted  
Will come to you one day  
Just when you taste it  
You turn and walk away  



	12. You Make Me Cool

__

AN: Yay! I get a lot more leniency with this one cos Spike isn't in this episode a lot. ^_^ Well, here's his POV of events, including a little bit of that "fight" that Ed was talking about. ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or "You Make Me Cool" which is by Brian Richy and Yoko Kanno.

*  
What can I tell you, this guy you see  
I can't help feeling, so cool hip and so free  
I don't believe in getting hooked on love, no not me.  
*

I stood, brushing my teeth in the sunlight. As boring as Earth is, it's still pretty in the morning. There was a loud crash behind me. I turned and saw Jet being chased out by Ein.

"Hey, Spike! Where the hell are we?"

"Isn't this Earth?" I replied sleepily.

"Earth!?" It seems that Jet didn't know we were on Earth… which means he didn't set the course for Earth… "This ship was headed for Mars! Why the hell are we on Earth all of a sudden?"

"Dunno." I would like to know the very answer to that as well. I woke up this morning on the couch and went to wake up Faye really early, to annoy her, and found her already gone. Ed too.

"Shit, this isn't funny! While we're wasting our time here, the bounty is… And it was our first big one in a while!" I gargled and spit. "Anyway, why the hell are we on…"

"Jett… The women are gone."

__

*  
You can't persuade me, to play your game  
You turn your nose up, whenever I'm acting the same   
The way I move is oh so smooth,  
I'm cool I know you want to hold me, Cool Kat.  
*

I wandered about the Bebop. There was nothing to do at all. The girls were gone. All we could do was wait for them to come back.

I suddenly felt ill to my stomach. What if they _weren't _coming back?

No, I don't even want to think about that… Not that I'd miss them… much… I fought the urge to go out and look for them.

Instead, I decided to explore the storage space, see if there was anything interesting in there to do. What do we have here?

Jett's old clothes… No.

Parts for the Bebop… No.

Parts for the Swordfish… No.

Parts for the Red Tail… No.

Broken parts… No.

Guns… No.

Bullets… No.

Alcohol!? I opened the bottle and sniffed it. Bleck… Ether.

…Books?

__

*  
Just leave me drinkin', in this bar tonight  
I know you want me, to make you, make you feel right  
But all you do is hang your head so low  
I know you really want me, to go.  
*

Jett walked into the lounge and sat down by the computer. I assume he's searching for a new, nearby bounty to replace the one we lost. I ignored him and continued reading this book I found in the storage room.

"…Spike?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you reading?" I looked up at him, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I'm just holding this book for exercise."

"Heh, great, my faith has been restored in the human race. Spike CAN read," he chuckled and continued typing away. I glared at him for a moment and then turned back to the book. Of course I can read… Idiot.

I heard the sound of a ship landing outside. The butterflies that had taken up residence in my stomach disappeared as Faye and Ed walked through the door.

"Hey you guys! What's with the course change without asking? Our plans have all been screwed because of it! I don't appreciate you doing things on your own!" Jett quieted down when Faye stopped. I peered over the top of the book at both of them. There was something wrong.

She walked out of the room despondently and Jett turned back to his computer. I put the book down on the table and stood up. I could feel Jett's eyes on me as I stuck my hands in my pockets and followed Faye out of the room.

__

*  
Why can't you, please understand  
What kind of man I've got to be  
You're saying, I'm such a fool hiding my thoughts away from  
You girl I know it's driving you wild  
I'm sorry I'm a Cool Kat baby.  
*

"Faye?" I knocked on her door lightly. "Faye, I'm coming in…" I opened the door and stepped into the room. She was lying on her bed, staring at the floor blankly. "Faye, are you alright?" I asked.

She didn't say anything.

"Faye?" I sat down on the bed next to her.

"Spike, do you love me?" she asked abruptly. It was soft. So soft I almost didn't hear her, but the words seemed to ring in my ears. I think I quit breathing for a second.

I don't know how to answer that. Why are women obsessed with love? First Ed and now her. I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. I hate questions like this.

"Well…?" she prodded at me softly, her gaze had left the floor and had turned to my face. I looked away from her.

"…I don't know."

"So you'll sleep with me, but you don't love me."

I winced.

"I didn't say I didn't love you."

"So you do?"

"I didn't say that either."

She sat up angrily. "Well, which is it? You either do or you don't."

I stood and walked away from her a few steps. "I don't know… Okay? That's not exactly something that I can figure out the answer to immediately off the top of my head," I snapped at her. She calmed again and stared at the floor again.

"But you love Julia."

"…Yes." I heard her move and glanced at her. She was standing behind me. "Faye…"

"So you love Julia, but you sleep with me."

"Faye, it's not-"

****

*SMACK*

"Get out of my room, please."

I stood there for a second, the sound of her hand hitting my face had registered before the pain did. I don't think I've ever been slapped before. It hurt. I set my jaw and glared at her as she took up her depressed position on her bed again, then I left.

I hate her.

__

*  
You can't persuade me, to play your game  
You turn your nose up, whenever I'm acting the same  
The way I move is oh so smooth,  
I'm cool I know you want to hold me, Cool Kat.


	13. Rain

__

AN: 11 more songs to go plus an epilogue! 1 for Ed, 3 for Faye, 2 for Julia, 1 for Vicious, 5 for Spike and the epilogue is a third-person POV. This one is Faye's POV of the fight and what happened afterward. Oh, and as for my theories on Faye and Ed, I don't think Ed hates Faye, I just think she's going through the normal phases of pre-teen jealousy. They're my theories on the series, and I have my reasons for them, which I would be happy to discuss if you email me or IM me. ^_^

Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or "Rain" which is by Tim Jensen and Yoko Kanno.

*  
_I don't feel a thing  
And I stopped remembering  
The days are just like moments turned to hours  
_*

*SMACK*

"Please, get out of my room…" I said to him and then I curled back up on my bed. He stood there for a moment, he seemed surprised that I hit him, and then left angrily. I don't care.

How can he do that to me? He loves Julia, but he screws me.

That asshole.

…I don't want to think about him. I don't really want to think about anything right now. Sally Yung… I think I remember her… but… she… she was so old! She was a grandmother! In a wheelchair! I… I'm never going to find anyone I love or knew, am I? They're all either dead or dying. I still wish I could remember though… I really want to remember.

I need a shower.

I pulled myself out of bed slowly and stumbled toward the bathroom. I feel so depressed, so empty.

*  
_Mother used to say  
If you want, you'll find a way  
Bet mother never danced through fire shower  
_*

The fountain. My bedroom. School. Sally. Father, pacing in his study. Water. Space. Seeing Earth. Floating, cracked glass, screams, explosion…

I remember.

I jumped out of the shower and pulled my robe on.

I remember! I remember where I belong! I remember where my house is, what my parents' names were, what school I went to, how I got hurt…

I ran out of the bathroom, toward my bedroom. I need to see where I belong, I need to touch it, to be there and to know what has happened there.

I slammed into Spike as he was walking out of the toilet.

"Hey, watch out!" he snapped at me. He was holding the book he had been reading earlier and glared at me angrily. I could see my handprint still on his face.

I don't know what to say to him… I… Spike… 

"I… I'm sorry," I said to him desperately. His gaze softened and he raised an eyebrow, confused.

"…Sorry?"

"I have to go!" I replied resolutely and left him standing in the hallway.

*  
_Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain  
I walk in the rain, in the rain  
Is it right or is it wrong  
And is it here that I belong  
_*

I stuffed all my things into a duffel bag and glanced around, making sure I hadn't forgotten anything. I'm going to where I belong. To my home. I threw my duffel bag over my shoulder and jogged through the Bebop, to the deck, where the Red Tail was waiting for me.

I'm not coming back. This is it. I don't have anything to hold me here. Ed and Ein never really cared for me much anyway, and Jett will be happy that I'm not using up all his hot water and eating all his food.

Spike. He still loves Julia, he doesn't love me. I don't need him. I never really loved him. It was just… lust. That's what it was. We just needed to screw each other and that was it.

Who am I kidding?

I jumped into the Red Tail and started the engine. Next to me, Ed appeared, hanging upside-down.

*  
_I don't hear a sound  
Silent faces in the ground  
The quiet screams, but I refuse to listen  
_*

"Where are you going?" she asked me, grinning. I stared at her for a second.

"…I finally remembered where I belong," I replied after a moment and smiled back. The grin on Ed's face disappeared and was replaced with a look of curiosity and confusion.

"Where you belong?"

"You have someone waiting for you too," I told her, remembering the nun telling us about her father. "Somewhere you belong. You should go look for it. That's best you know…"

She jumped off the Red Tail and waved enthusiastically at me.

"Bye, Ed." I closed the hatch of the Red Tail and prepared for take off. Over the engine I could hear Ed shouting.

"Bye-bye, Faye-faye!"

I smiled again and lifted off the deck of the Bebop. I'm never going to see it again.

*  
_If there is a hell  
I'm sure this is how it smells  
Wish this were a dream, but no, it isn't  
_*

I landed the Red Tail a bit away from where I remember my house being. If I remember correctly, there wouldn't be anywhere for me to land at if I tried to land up there. I locked the mono-flyer up and looked at the hill. I remember this hill. I began to walk up it.

I ran up it as a little girl, on my way home from the park.

I started walking faster.

When I was in junior high school, I would run up it to get home after taking the bus home from school.

I began to jog.

High School… I used to run up it all the time, to get in shape for cheerleading.

I was now running.

I ran up this hill to tell my mother about my first boyfriend, my first kiss, and when I made it on the cheerleading squad. I ran up this hill to tell my father about my grade card, when I passed my drivers exam, and when I was accepted to university.

I ran as hard as I could. I could see the giant house, the great, iron, double gates, the beautiful fountains, the trees, the staircase…

And the rubble.

It was gone.

*  
_Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain  
I walk in the rain, in the rain  
Am I right or am I wrong  
And is it here that I belong  
_*

It's gone. I can't believe it's gone. I've been through HELL to remember everything, and now everything is gone.

I sat down and cried for an hour.

I finished crying and wandered the property a bit, remembering where everything had been, where my favourite tree had been, my swing, my playhouse, the roses, the garden, the house…

I picked up a stick and drew the outline of where the house had been.

The sun was just starting to set when I finished. I drew where my room had been, and then where my bed was.

I threw the stick away and laid down on my "bed", staring at the sky as it slowly turned from blue, orange, to red, to purple to black.

I'm finally home.

*  
_Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain  
I walk in the rain, in the rain  
Why do I feel so alone  
For some reason I think of home_


	14. Hazy Shade of Winter

__

AN: Here's Ed's last song. ;_; Next is a Spike song and then we're into The Real Folk Blues pt. I. ^_^ Thanks to ZellyBaby for choosing the song!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bebop or "Hazy Shade of Winter" by Simon and Garfunkel.

*  
Time,  
Time,  
Time, see what's become of me  
While I looked around for my possibilities.  
*

Ed's upset. They left me behind! I wanted to go! That was the point of making the bounty, those stupids! Ed sighed and went to the bridge. It's their own faults for leaving Ed behind… Ed sat down in the drivers seat and giggled as I started the engine. Now which way did they go again? OOHHH!! THAT WAY!!

I manoeuvred the ship to face the group of craters, a few miles to the left. Hehe! Ed will find her father! Ed told the computer to accelerate as fast as the ship would go. Ed wanted to get there fast! WHOAAAA…. That's FAST! Look! There's Spike and Jett! They're getting really close! Why is Spike fighting that big man? Oh, and why is Jett waving at Ed? Ed waved back.

"Hi Jett!!!!" Oh, wait, Ed should probably stop. The Bebop can't go on land.

Where's the brake again?

*  
_I was so hard to please.  
Look around,  
Leaves are brown,  
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter.  
_*

Ed ran through the ship, and Ein was following her, barking. Ed doesn't care though, I get to see my father! Ed ran onto the deck of the ship and leaned over the side carefully. Ed hoped she hadn't hit Spike-person, but she wasn't sure. I saw a man, he looked like the hologram that the sister had given Ed! The man looked at Ed and then grinned.

"Francoise!" he cried, and opened his arms. Ed grinned and dropped her remote control that she had used to make the Bebop stop. I jumped off the deck and the man caught Ed by her ankles and spun her around. It was Father-person!

"How's that?" he asked, and threw Ed in the air. We bounced around and he kept throwing Ed up and up! It was fun! When we stopped, I walked with Father-person over to Jett-person and Spike.

"This is Father-person," Ed said, introducing them.

"…Father…?" Spike asked, Ed thinks he looks a little pale.

"Your father?!" Jett person said. Hehe, they look so funny!

"She had such a thing?" Spike wondered. Ed ignored him and turned to Father-person.

"This is Jett-person and Spike-person," Ed told him. He walked toward Spike.

"I see," he said and head-butted Spike! Eek! Nooo!!! Father-person!!

"No, father. Good people!" I said to him.

"Oh? I see," Father held out a basket of eggs and smiled. "Thank you for taking care of my son… or was it daughter?" I rolled my eyes. Ed knows he never remembers things like that. "Oh well, it's alright either way." Father walked toward Spike and set the basket of eggs down on his chest. "That's a token of my appreciation."

Ed giggled. Spike-person looks so cute when he's been knocked down! Hee hee!

*  
_Hear the Salvation Army band.  
Down by the riverside's  
Bound to be a better ride  
Than what you've got planned.  
_*

"So you want to come with me?" Father asked Ed.

"Huh?" Ed wondered. Do I want to go with him? Does Ed want to leave the Bebop? Does Ed want to leave her friends? Does Ed want to go? Father-person smiled at Ed. He seems so nice, but he did forget about Ed. I don't know…

"Eh?" Father turned his head and looked away from Ed. Another meteor fell to the Earth and hit the ground near us. Father started running to his car.

"Hurry up Michael-duck!"

"That's MACINTIRE!" Father's assistant shouted as he grabbed his things. Father and his assistant drove away, leaving Ed behind. He forgot Edward, again!!!

*  
_Carry your cup in your hand.  
And look around.  
Leaves are brown.  
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter.  
_*

Everyone went back to the Bebop, and Jett yelled at Ed for using her remote control on the Bebop again. Then he went to make eggs to eat. Faye-faye hadn't come back yet. Ed wandered around the Bebop a bit. I dunno, I think maybe Ed will go find her father again. Faye-faye said that Ed has somewhere she belongs.

Ed saw Spike sitting on the couch. He had a bandage on his cheek from where father-person hit him. He looked very sad.

Ed knows what will make him feel better!! I ran into my room, and got Tomato and the pinwheel that Faye-faye had bought Ed. Ed ran back into the lounge and snuck up behind the couch, like a cat. Ed popped up behind Spike and grinned. Ed had surprised Spike a bit, but he still looked sad. So Ed gave him her pinwheel. Maybe that will help him feel better!

*  
_Hang on to your hopes, my friend.  
That's an easy thing to say,  
But if your hopes should pass away  
Simply pretend that you can build them again.  
Look around,  
The grass is high,  
The fields are ripe,  
It's the springtime of my life.  
_*

Ed grabbed Tomato and her goggles and the remote control, and all her other things and then walked onto the deck of the Bebop. I put my things down on the deck and then ran back into the hanger to get something.

Ed rummaged around until I found it. Woo! Paint! Ed found the paint that Jett used to touch up the Swordfish II! Ed ran back onto the deck and began painting! Woo! I love paint!

When Ed was done, I picked up my things again and jumped onto the ground. Ed began walking back toward where she saw Father-person go.

Behind Ed, I heard barking. It was Ein! Ed stopped and waited as Ein came up to her.

"You can't come with me Ein." No, you should go back and take care of Spike and Jett.

"Ed is going someplace far, far away." You shouldn't come with Ed.

"I might not be coming back…" Ed will miss you though.

"So Ein, you should go back home!" It's not Ed's home anymore.

Ein looked at the ground and whimpered. Ed didn't want to leave Ein. He was Ed's best friend. Ed leaned over and whispered.

"Do you want to come with Ed?" Ein barked.

*  
_Seasons change with the scenery;  
Weaving time in a tapestry.  
Won't you stop and remember me  
At any convenient time?  
Funny how my memory skips  
Looking over manuscripts  
Of unpublished rhyme.  
_*

Ed looked back at the Bebop, it was hard to see in the fading sunlight. Ed will miss everyone, especially Jett's bad cooking, Spike and Faye-faye's fights, and chasing all the bounties. It was fun guys. Ed turned back to Ein.

"Let's go Ein."

*  
_Drinking my vodka and lime,  
I look around,  
Leaves are brown,  
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter…_

See ya Space Cowgirl…


	15. Gotta Knock a Little Harder

__

AN: This is the last song of Hard Luck Woman. Spike's POV. ^_^ The next song will be a Julia song and it will be the beginning of Real Folk Blues. Thanks to Loren for insight on the way people look when you're drunk. ;)

-Rhyein

Disclaimer: I don't own Bebop or "Gotta Knock a Little Harder" which is by Yoko Kanno.

*  
_Happiness is just a word to me  
And it might have meant a thing or two  
If I'd known the difference  
Emptiness, a lonely parody  
And my life, another smokin' gun  
A sign of my indifference  
Always keepin' safe inside  
Where no one ever had a chance  
To penetrate a break in  
_*

Ed was gone. She'd left. Ein too… and Faye. They're all gone. It's just Jett and me again. It's eerie, the silence. I had gotten so used to the noise, and now it's gone. I stared out the window and lit a cigarette. Jett wanted to stay on Earth an extra day… Just in case the girls came back. I know he misses them already.

I do too.

Sure, Ed could be annoying sometimes, but she was good at what she did, and was useful in catching a bounty on more than one occasion. She was so animated, so innocent, and so… different from everyone else on the ship. You know, I think I'll even miss her wrapping herself around my legs.

Hell, I'll even miss Ein… He was a good pillow… and smart. I could usually get him to go steal Faye's clothing while she was in the shower.

…Faye. I'm not gonna think about her. It hurts.

I blinked and noticed that my cigarette had gone out. It had burnt all the way to the filter, and I hadn't even really smoked it. What a waste.

*  
_Let me tell you some have tried  
But I would slam the door so tight  
That they could never get in  
Kept my cool under lock and key  
And I never shed a tear  
Another sign of my condition  
Fear of love or bitter vanity  
That kept me on the run  
The main events at my confession  
_*

Jett walked into the room… well… more like stalked. He'd been brooding since Ed disappeared. I guess he'd forgotten how to work the computers while she was around.

"Spike? What is that thing on the hull of the ship?" he asked, scratching his head absently.

"It's called a pinwheel, Jett… Come on. First you're in shock because I can read, and now you don't even know what a pinwheel is… You know, being a genius is really a pain in the neck sometimes," I teased, walking out of the room. Jett just chuckled and shook his head.

"If you're a genius than I'm a beautiful, young woman!" he called after me.

"Hellooooo, gorgeous!" I shouted back, smiling.

*  
_I kept a chain upon my door  
That would shake the shame of Cain  
Into a blind submission  
The burning ghost without a name  
Was calling all the same  
But I wouldn't listen  
_*

I wandered back toward the lounge area of the ship. I knew that Jett was going to leave for Mars soon. Ed and Ein are obviously not coming back and Faye has her own ship and could get back to us if she wanted… Wanted…

God I feel like an asshole.

I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands. I'm tired. I have a headache. I miss Faye. I'm a complete and utter asshole.

That's what I get for thinking with my hormones.

I think I need to get drunk. The world always looks better when you have a bottle of Jack in your hand… Makes the people around you look better too…

Fuck it. I'm going to sleep.

*  
_The longer I'd stall  
The further I'd crawl  
The further I'd crawl  
The harder I'd fall  
I was crawlin' into the fire  
_*

I laid down on the couch, stretching out completely. The sound of the engine was soothing… familiar… calm… Too calm.

I stared at the fan on the ceiling and began to count the revolutions it made.

I love Julia. I love her hair, her face, her body, her smell, her voice, her eyes, her hands, her smile, her touch… I love her.

I… I like Faye… I like Faye a lot… I like her hair, her face, her smile, her voice, her eyes, her hands, her body, her smell, how she always steals my cigarettes and thinks that I don't know, the way she looks when she's been shopping, how melodramatic she is…

Why am I thinking about them again?

25… 26… 27… 28… 29…

I could feel myself beginning to doze off.

*  
_The more that I saw  
The further I'd fall  
The further I'd fall  
The lower I'd crawl  
I kept fallin' into the fire  
Into the fire  
Into the fire  
_*

"Hello, Spike," came a voice. I jerked awake. I know that voice. That's _her_ voice.

"Julia!?" I gasped, glancing around the room. There she is. Sitting quietly on the stairs. She was wearing a blood-red, turtle-neck sweater, black pants and her black coat. Her blonde hair fell softly around her shoulders. She smiled at me.

"It's been a while. How are you?" she asked. I can't move. I'm just sitting here staring at her.

"I'm… I…" I stuttered. I don't know what to say. She laughed lightly, that angelic laughter.

"You look like you're alright. You're a bounty hunter now, then? Where are your famous partners?" she inquired, looking around the lounge.

"Uh… Jett's in the back…" I said. I feel like an idiot. There she is, in front of me, smiling at me, and all I can do is sit here and stare in dumbfounded shock. Dumbass.

"What about Ed and Faye?"

"They left…" I replied. Wait a sec… "How do you know them?" I asked.

"The Bebop is famous. Spike Spiegel, Jett Black, Faye Valentine and Radical Edward," she told me. I nodded and finally found that I could move again. I took the opportunity to stand up.

"Julia… Wh-"

"Don't," she interrupted. I stopped halfway toward her.

"Why?" She gave me a pained expression.

"Spike…" It slowly dawned on me.

"You're a dream." I sat down on the edge of the couch and closed my eyes. "Of course you are."

"I'm sorry, Spike," she said. I glanced at her and noticed that she was slowly becoming transparent. I stood up quickly.

"No! Don't go! I don't care if you're not real! I don't want to ever wake up from this!" I cried.

*  
_Suddenly it occurred to me  
The reason for the run and hide  
Had totaled my existence  
Everything left on the other side  
Could never be much worse that this  
But could I go the distance  
I faced the door and all my shame  
Tearin' off each piece of chain  
Until they all were broken  
But no matter how I tried  
The other side was licked so tight  
That door it wouldn't open  
_*

"Yes you do, Spike. We both know that. Your green-eyed angel is out there… The one disguised as a demon," Julia said to me.

"No, I want you. I love you!"

"Spike, don't torture yourself and her… What are your chances of ever seeing me again?"

"Julia…"

"I love you, Spike… But so does she… and she's right in front of you."

I watched as Julia faded away.

"…Julia…"

*  
_Gave it all that I got  
And started to knock  
Shouted for someone  
To open the lock  
I just gotta get through the door  
_*

"Spike!"

I opened my eyes. It was Jett.

"Spike! Wake up! Time to eat!"

I groaned and put a hand to my forehead. Julia…

"Come on, Spike!"

"Coming!" I called back, and sat up.

*  
_And the more that I knocked  
The hotter I got  
The hotter I got  
The harder I'd knock  
I just gotta break through the door  
Gotta knock a little harder  
Gotta knock a little harder  
Gotta knock a little harder  
Break through the door_


	16. Building a Mystery

__

AN: Whew, sorry it took so long to get out, but writer's block hit half-way through the chapter, and then I was grounded from everything computer related. ^^;; Anyway, this is a Julia chapter, I hope you enjoy it, and I don't own Cowboy Bebop or "Building a Mystery".

-Rhyein/Aozame

*  
_You come out at night  
That's when the energy comes  
And the dark side's light  
and the vampires roam_  
*

I stood in the darkened room quietly. It'd been a long time since I'd been back. The red answering machine light was the only thing I could see clearly in the dark. I wonder why I came back… I think it's because I wanted to see what would happen with Vicious. When Shin told me that he was staging a coup, I had to come. To see if he'd succeed… or maybe I just want to get caught. Coming back here would make it easier on them to catch me.

So many memories.

Vicious… Me…

Spike…

I moved toward the answering machine light and pushed the button. It was Shin, of course. He was the only person on Mars that knew where I was.

"The Elders are going to be on the move. It's dangerous over there as well. Please hurry."

I took off my sunglasses and the room became a bit clearer, but not much. The Elders knew what Vicious was planning. He was going to get caught.

A knot rose into my stomach at the thought of Vicious being killed.

He had become too cold. Too calculating… Too brutal. That is why the Elders didn't want to give him the succession. It's my fault too. I was bored with his ruthless ambition. It was exciting when I first met him, but he changed. He still loved me dearly, but as the years went by and the body count rose, he started to change… Until Spike.

Then for a while, he was back to his old self. Spike was young and innocent and carefree. Everything Vicious was not. He was contagious. Vicious began to smile more again. It was wonderful… Until the Elders decided the order of succession.

Spike was next in line, and Vicious was after him.

*  
_You strut your rasta wear  
and your suicide poem  
And a cross from a faith that died  
Before Jesus came_

You're building a mystery  
*

I sat down and sighed, the sun was beginning to come up and it would soon be too dangerous to stay here.

Vicious resented Spike being before him in the succession line. Vicious had been with the Syndicate longer, Vicious had worked harder, he deserved it more… he used to rant that all the time whenever Spike wasn't around. He began to get colder again, not only toward Spike, but toward me. He began working late and so I was lonely and would go places with Spike.

I don't know when I realised I loved him. It came on rather gradually since I was convinced that I loved Vicious… and I did… I still do… But that man is not Vicious. He's a bloody beast, a fallen angel… He's not the Vicious I know.

Spike is still an angel. He's not a beast like Vicious is… or like me.

I heard that he's a bounty hunter… Working with three other people. I think their names were Jett Black, Faye Valentine and I can't remember the other one.

I laid down on the bed and sighed. It was cold. The bed I shared with Vicious… The bed I shared with Spike.

I think I deserve to get caught.

*  
_You live in a church  
Where you sleep with voodoo dolls  
And you won't give up the search  
For the ghosts in the halls_  
*

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired, so tired of running. I've been running for almost three years. I just want to go somewhere that they either can't find me, or just let myself get caught and hope that they kill me quickly.

I heard Spike was on Mars. He's becoming somewhat famous now. That might be bad for him since he's technically dead. The Elders might decide he's a threat and go after him. Maybe I can find him. I guess the airport's the best place to start…

I pulled my coat around myself tightly. It was a cold rain. The kind that always brought bad things, like pneumonia… snow… men… or death.

My red umbrella popped open perfectly and I put it over my head as I walked toward my red sports car. I don't know why I have this obsession with red. It's a dangerous obsession when you're on the run. You stand out too much. Especially when the rest of the world is as grey as it is. Or maybe I don't stand out. Maybe the world just looks grey to me. I jumped into my car and started the engine, thinking of Spike. I used to tell him that we were only watching a dream. That life wasn't reality, it was only in our minds. I'm not sure that I believe that anymore.

*  
_You wear sandals in the snow  
And a smile that won't wash away  
Can you look out the window  
Without your shadow getting in the way_  
*

I drove down the wet roads, toward Tharsis. That was where Spike was, and where the Red Dragon was. I was headed into the belly of the beast for that man. He always made me do crazy things like that… and he didn't even know he did it. Vicious never made me do crazy things just to see him. He was cold, calculating, silent. I guess that's what attracted me to him. His ambition… his silence. I knew he was going places, and I guess I latched on for the ride. He never really told me anything, not even about himself. I know that Mao saved his life once. The Elders wanted to kill him, but Mao talked them out of it… and now Mao's dead, at Vicious' hand. I guess it serves him right for thinking he could control the uncontrollable.

No. I shouldn't think things like that. Mao was Spike's foster father. He took Spike in when no one else would. He was the only person in the syndicate, other than Vicious and myself that had a hold on Spike's wild nature. He was a wolf like Vicious. A lone wolf. Except while Vicious would only kill anyone that got too close, Spike would lash out, bite, snap, do anything to scare them away, but he wouldn't kill them. However, anyone that was stubborn enough to keep pushing after all the scratches and bites they got from Spike, he would usually die for them.

He was willing to die for Mao and Vicious… and me.

As I left town, the skies began to clear, and I could put the top down. Mars was truly a beautiful place when you didn't have to worry about anything.

Too bad there were two black cars trailing me.

*  
_You're so beautiful  
With an edge and charm  
And so careful  
When I'm in your arms_  
*

I began to speed up. The airport wasn't really that far away to begin with. Would they really risk trying to kill me in a crowded place like an airport?

Probably.

I stepped on it, swerving through the cars in front of me hazardously. I spun around a corner and into the airport parking lot. I whizzed past the vehicles and around a water tower. I saw the two cars coming after me, and a woman in yellow step into the road, and fire two shots at them, blowing the second car's tire, causing them to flip. I drove up next to her, and she jumped into the back. We sped out of the airport with one car still on our trail. She fired at him again, and blew another tire.

Damn she's a good shot.

I stopped the car for a while and we smoked a cigarette.

"You saved me," I said to her.

"Same here."

"You're a good shot."

"I was getting bounties with it."

I glanced at her. "A bounty hunter...?"

"Although now I'm kind off on a break 'cause there's something going on. You look like you have something going on, too. It might be good to pair up with another woman. How about it? Wanna be my partner?" she asked me. I thought about it for a moment. It might be nice to pair up with someone else for a while, I get tired of being alone all the time.

"I have... something to do," I replied finally.

"Oh. Too bad." She shrugged and put out her cigarette.

"Do you know any bounty hunter hangouts?" I wonder if she knows Spike…

"I can help if you want to put a bounty on someone."

"I'm looking for a bounty hunter… I'll drive you back," I told her finally.

*  
_'Cause you're working  
Building a mystery  
Holding on and holding it in  
Yeah you're working  
Building a mystery  
And choosing so carefully_  
*

After I finished my cigarettes, she climbed into the front. We were silent for a few minutes.

"So what's your name?" I asked finally.

"Faye. Faye Valentine," she replied.

"Faye?!" I repeated, surprised. I wonder if she's the same Faye that works with Spike?

"It's a common name… What's yours?"

"Julia."

"Julia?!" She sounded surprised too. I wonder what he told her about me. 

"It's a common name," I repeated. We drove back to the airport in silence. My mind wandered. I began to wonder if Spike even cared about me anymore.

This Faye was pretty, and smart… Another type of girl that you just can't leave alone. It made me wonder if he and her…

Why should I even care? It's been three years. He's male, he's human… It's not like we were married or anything. Why should I expect him to wait for me, when he probably thinks I'm dead anyway.

*  
_You woke up screaming aloud  
A prayer for your secret god  
You feed off our fears  
And hold back your tears oh_  
*

Maybe he does still love me. Maybe he doesn't. I don't know. I know I still love him… but yet… there's something… is it guilt? That all of this happened to him because of me?

I know it's my fault.

My fault he's a bounty hunter. My fault Vicious is trying to kill him. My fault that he's dead to the Red Dragon. My fault he was kicked out of the line of succession. My fault… For everything.

We pulled into the airport parking lot.

She can give him a message for me. He doesn't have to do it… and if he doesn't come then I'll know. I'll know he blames me. I'll know that he doesn't love me anymore.

*  
_You give us a tantrum  
And a know it all grin  
Just when we need one  
When the evening's thin_  
*

She got out of my car and turned to me.

"I'm glad I met you," I said to her.

"Me too. Um, have I seen you somewhere...?" I adjusted my sunglasses and tried to breath calmly. It's now or never.

"If... you see Spike again... Tell him that I will be waiting there. He'll know what I mean. Tell him that I'll keep waiting..."

"Why...?" she demanded, seemingly surprised and horrified that I knew Spike.

"Good-bye, Faye Valentine." Then I smiled at her and stepped on the gas. Leaving her behind me.

The sky turned grey again as I left the airport. I put the top up and drove toward the place we were supposed to have met so many years ago. It was going to rain more.

I hate rain.

*  
_You're a beautiful  
A beautiful fucked-up man  
You're setting up your  
Razor wire shrine_  
_'Cause you're working  
Building a mystery  
Holding on and holding it in  
Yeah you're working  
Building a mystery  
And choosing so carefully  
You're building a mystery…_


End file.
